The End?

Today marks the end....

The end of my weekend, the end of March, the end of the long hiatus from the MLB season, and the end of CBS's hit show for the past nine years, How I Met Your Mother.

My weekend went pretty well, in that I refused to do anything that had anything to do with what I would consider "work."  No house work, no going to work, no calling work, no nothing. Yesterday it snowed. Today it was sunny and 60, and absolutely gorgeous.  Gotta love the Mid-West weather, huh?  I got me a nice little treat today, watched the Detroit Tigers game, and listened to the Pittsburgh Pirates game. I went for a walk.  Or as I like to call I went on the sewer walk today. It's a good distance down a hill and back up and around again but the route smells SO bad you bring it home with you. Then I had a nice dinner and capped it off with CBS Mondays, which means the finale of How I Met Your Mother.

Honestly, I loved the finale.  I felt cheated with the almost ending, but I loved how the final scene went down. Some things didn't really make sense, but I think it was only my expectations that brought it down. Was it predictable? Probably. But it was everything I should have wanted it to be. More on it later when this isn't so new and it won't be a spoiler for anybody who reads this and might have missed it.

I think this weekend was relaxing enough to get back to the swing of things tomorrow. It's exciting to have a week of working my regular shift for the most part. I think I have one early day, but it's only an hour.

I'm just sitting here watching "All Dogs Go To Heaven" and trying to remember watching it as a kid. It's kind of funny because it's reminding me a lot of "An American Tail" and the kid Ann Marie is a little baby Snow White.

I am very distracted by the movie now. But as always, I will see you tomorrow.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever:

- Felt like your life was probably somebody else's social experiment?
- Been to Opening Day for your local or favorite baseball team?
- Listened to Christmas Music on March 30th?
- Considered a day to be an Epic Fail even when you had no intentions?

To kind of piggy-back off yesterday's post, I'd like to see where I can go considering the first question I posed.  (All the questions where to hopefully put a spark in the air and maybe an idea would take off, but - much like trying to light peanut butter on fire - it's slow rolling).

I wonder what it would be like to feel like somebody's social experiment. Be it somebody you know, love, hate, don't know, or maybe even God Himself. I don't really know that I want to know.  But the good thing about it, I guess, is that you would never actually have to be held accountable for anything.  To be part of an experiment means that all things that happen were planned out, right?  A carefully prepared experiment would be in order if it were to be for social purposes? Consider a previous post of mine, the poem entitled "The Bird In the Bathroom Vent" under that microscope. Sure, maybe I just wanted to see how long you've been reading my blogs, but I think part of it is for me to show that I just saw this connection as well, and instead of writing a new poem (because we all know how painful it is for me to say "I wrote a new poem"), I
can revert to something that maybe I was trying to say before but can say a little better (or a little choppier) now.

I'd like to think that if there is some social experiment going on that I can mess with the evidence enough that one could only prove that random events can happen and nobody can conform to any particular lifestyle.  Everyone is who they are, and nobody else. Why would they want to be somebody else, who would want them to be, and if they were, they wouldn't be them. If we spend too much time thinking about what society wants from us, we're probably going to miss the big picture: What do WE want from us? Bottom line: whoever we have in our lives are people we choose. Whether or not they are good choices are left to be discovered.  That's why we have free will.  But the people that we choose also chose us, or at least we hope they do, or you might end up hitch-hiking home from a prom you didn't want to attend.

Also, I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who've been stopping by lately. It's about half way to Easter now and I've ....ROUGHLY... been able to blog every day or account for every day with some sort of posting.  Lately it has been tough -- for example, Friday, when I got out of work, came home and napped, went back to work with time to do a little gaming on Facebook, went back to work, came home, collapsed in the chair for the U of M game, then was in bed by 9:30.  But I'm human.

Tomorrow is Opening Day for most baseball teams.  Somebody played tonight, but I was too busy ...listening to Christmas music... to turn that on.  It has been some sort of "epic fail" today, even though I intended to do absolutely nothing all day.  Here's hoping I can watch some good baseball tomorrow. Gonna have to get some baseball themed snacks while I'm out tomorrow. If I do my shopping / errands early enough, I can be home in time for the games I want to watch...which probably all start at 1:05.

Oh yes, I did  (when you get it)

Toxic

First and foremost, I'd like to point out how I feel like I'm cheating on the Red Wings being so excited the Columbus Blue Jackets picked up 2 points tonight. But I feel like the Red Wings and Blue Jackets can both pick up a wild card spot and I would be totally content with that. Unfortunately I think #1 and #2 in the Eastern Conference are Boston and Pittsburgh. We'll see how that goes. But I will be very happy if they both make it, or if either makes it really. I think Columbus is really proving themselves this year as a fierce contender in the Eastern Conference. Proud of the Mid-West boys.

Now I'd like to set the mood, if I may, for the next part of this blog. I come bearing Vanilla Fudge.

Yesterday while doing my daily duties at work, I was in the van. The song I only really know as "The Armageddon Song" came on the radio.  It brought back a flood of memories that essentially just infuriated me:  SENIOR PROM.

The first memory was not so horrible. I had the opportunity to dance with the guy who had competed for and won a prestigious title that may or may not have had any real significance outside of the competition itself.  I believe part of it was a fund raiser. I could be wrong.  I remember carrying around a denture cup I won as a prize in some crazy game in Spanish II.  Maybe I was just being weird? I wonder how off topic I can make this paragraph.  Bottom line: it was the best part of Prom, but it wasn't really all that spectacular -- he had essentially been ditched by his date, and I had decided he should not miss the last dance of prom on account of one of the most toxic people I know.

Then I got to thinking about how I was essentially bribed to go to Prom by said toxic person by an offer to punch another toxic person in my life [still waiting on that one] and also with a date she found who I agreed to on the understanding that it would at least create socializing opportunities. Well, the date backed out after I bought a dress, which was upsetting on account of I hate dresses and didn't even want to go to Prom. Anyways, Obladi Oblada Life Goes On, right?

Then I got to thinking about how I got a ride from "toxic person number two" to Prom and was never informed that she had no intention of bringing me home before she and her friends went on to their post-prom activities. I don't think I was upset for not being invited, but I would have loved to know I needed to make arrangements to get myself home. Lucky for me, the guy I danced with managed to squeeze me in his vehicle full of people before he did his post-prom thing.

I don't think the food was all that great for as long as we had to wait for it.  I want to say it was hands down the more miserable "You HAVE to go! It will be so FUN!" things I've ever attended.

But the reason I bring all this up is because I have recently tried to find myself to be in the company of people that DON'T treat me like the two toxic people unnamed above did. I very recently just gave up on them ... Twelve years after Prom. And they haven't changed, and I haven't changed.  But sometimes you just get caught up in something out of routine and it's all you've ever known.  I'm not going to lie, I'm having a hard time out here meeting people and socializing.  But I feel like I have been so screwed up so many bad choices in friends that i don't want to even try anymore. I don't know.  It's a rough thing.  Especially when you realize that there are only a handful of friends worth coming back to visit or getting in touch with when you're home.  And then there's family, and friends that don't live in your home-town. People that you would love to visit but haven't had the brains or wits to do it.

But I'm trying. I'm not good at meeting people, getting out, or making friends. Nor do I know where to find "nice people who are fun to hang out with" (who preferably can stand to watch a little hockey, baseball, or football).  One time last year during the Penguins Playoff Run I considered joining a group of people who appeared to be my age at a table at the bar I was at just for the sake of meeting people. I chickened out. But I think I am going to promise myself that if I see that group again this year I am going to try to BE more social. I guess the worst thing they could do is laugh at me and tell me to go somewhere else.

...Right?

March 28

March 28 completely didn't exist for me. Sure, there was a Friday, March 28, 2014, [I actually typed Thursday, and yes that day would NOT have really existed] but I actually had an entire day of doing the same thing twice.  As such, the whole day was combined of either working or sleeping, and when time and legality allowed, the two combined. More on that tonight.

You'll Sarcastically Thank Me Later

...this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends....

[this blog, however, is not such a song and will be more exciting in the future, but today is very busy, with slight attempts at relaxation as well]

... Some people started singin' it not knowing what it was. And they'll continue singing it forever just because...

Lemonade

A common saying in life is "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

That reminds me of some very very bad lemonade I drank today, [lemon lemonade, for all of you Home Improvement fans out there] but there were two considerations as I choked down the entire cup of it: 1) it was Crystal Light. 2) It was made by a resident and I am in full support of his independence in preparing this lemonade, and I was NOT going to be the one to tell him it was horrible.

And I had this concept of making lemonade out of lemons earlier this week (apparently it was just yesterday, but it feels like it was ages ago) when I decided that I am going to continue listening to Christmas music until it stops snowing and starts acting like Spring outside. And I feel like during Lent it doesn't really hurt to listen to Christmas music sparingly anyways, especially to emphasize the importance of what I consider the "Polar Opposite of Christmas."  I figure Birth and Death are polar opposites, so Christ's birth and death would be the polar opposite holidays. Not to mention they are book ends to Christianity as we know it. And we can't celebrate one without recognizing the other in the process. I have been focused a lot lately on the tune "Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel."  I feel like it is in some ways a transitional song between Christmas and Easter. I wonder how thought provoking, emotional, and fitting it might be during an Easter Drama during the scene of putting Jesus on the cross if the music was "Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel. And Ransom Captive Israel. That mourns in lowly exile here. Until the Son of God appear.  Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel. Shall Come to thee oh, Israel!"   Or, maybe that's why I stay away from Stage Productions? I don't know.  It seems awesome in my head.  But case in point, I'm not ashamed to be ringing in Easter with Christmas carols. Or Memorial Day. Or the Fourth of July.  Or Labor Day. Or Columbus Day, and so forth.

Today I woke up with the concept of "making lemons out of lemonade."

How often do you suppose we do that?  Or am I the only one who's going to admit to that.  Not all lemonade is GOOD lemonade, but you don't know if it's good or bad unless you try it. And how many bad lemonades have we ripped apart, back into lemons, analyzing every aspect. How could I have made this better, how could I have done this differently, why did such and such happen or so and so do this? We can't just enjoy even the sweetest things at times.  We always want to know why _____?

I don't know, it's just something on my mind today.  No matter what "making lemons out of lemonade" means to us, it's still something to grapple with, I think.  It could be repressing something that you just can't address or let go of.  But we know what will happen. Those lemons will just rot and fester, and I can't imagine anything more sour than a rotted lemon. It doesn't make it any easier to let go though.

Ironic Enough?

For whatever reason, my instincts have been telling me all day that I should try something amusing today. I don't really know why, but lately I have been toying with the idea of tweaking / updating the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette. I do not necessarily mean to satirize or plagiarize on her work, but merely publicly brainstorm how the song might work in the current day and age.

Is it Still Ironic?
based on music by Alanis Morrissette.

An old man turned 98
He learned to Skype and died the next day
It's a rufie in your hard lemonade
It's turning on Breaking Bad two minutes too late.
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

Orrrrrr.... maybe I'll just crap out after the first verse.  I guess the point is that I tried, right?  And that since that has been stuck in my head pretty close to all day, I had to put it someplace.  It still got the creative juices moving a little bit.  And what more can you ask for?

Plus, now you're going to have Alanis Morrisette stuck in your head, so you're welcome, and thanks for stopping by!

Boring is Good

Lately I've been having a hard time thinking of things to write about in my daily blogs.  I know they haven't been long or particularly noteworthy, but I still take everything I publish to this blog seriously.

Truth is, actually, life has been pretty boring lately.  But boring is good.  Now, yes, I did get dressed up today and it felt really good to dress in something other than a hoodie and jeans for a change.  It felt good because I feel good about where I am in life right now, I think.  And I did spend most of the day at work then went home when I had planned all day to go do some shopping.

I've been losing weight and working out lately and it's been improving more than just my physical self.  I've been feeling better, more confident, more in control of myself. I've found a way for me to be disciplined but not feel like I'm punishing myself.  I'm to the point now where I don't have to withhold fast food and soda to lose weight, and I have the self control to not eat out daily or have 3-4 cans of Coke a day. And I don't really see anybody outside of work, so it's not like I'm doing it to impress anyone.  I've just decided to take charge of my life.

I've been using my Roku to stream NetFit.TV right on my TV.  Carl Comeaux is an amazing trainer who pushes you without being "too tough."  He shapes your mind through the workouts and teaches you as well.  I owe my success mostly to myself for staying determined, but a huge thank you goes out to Carl for teaching me and encouraging me and making me feel like a person in the workout room. The motto is to always give your personal best, and when you give your personal best you will get the most results. I would like to encourage everyone to sign up, even if they just do the 30-day Free Trial and quit.  But I started with the 12-week Body Transformation program and am nearly done with Summer Shred. Trainers are available via e-mail on the website to answer questions and still offer encouragement on a personal level.

"Try and fail, but don't fail to try" is one of my favorite things Carl says during the workouts. I hope you give it a try, or at least look into it. I just want you to feel as great as I do.

Flash(y) Poetry

Writers Rage AKA Roadblock.

The blinding white,
the blinking cursor.
Where to go from here?

A blank canvas,
endless possibilities.
Where to start?

Blinding, Blinking,
blank.
Cursor, Canvas,
Possibilities.
Where?

Running from only gets us half as far as running to.

Keep your eye on the prize,
the finish line.

Fine.

I Always Say...

"That's a big part of my book about ____"  

But there's no book.  Not even a draft or an excerpt.

So here's the beginning of what may or may not ever turn into anything... A narrative about Taylor Swift and our love / hate relationship.  I use the terms love, hate, and relationship very loosely. Almost a year ago, a friend and I came up with a very entertaining list of titles for the book.  Do you think I can remember them now?  You know I can't.

Chapter One: "There's Gotta Be a Better Title than 'Chapter One'"

I had recently moved to Pittsburgh.  I joke around about how I used to have to drive "to Grandmother's house" to get to work.  You know... over the river and through the woods with an added bonus of up a hill and around some curves.  My cousin had made a CD for me and I listened to it faithfully, especially when I would get home sick.  There was just one problem:  The first half was all Taylor Swift.  I can get through some of her music without feeling nauseous.  "Picture To Burn" came on as I was crossing the Highland Park Bridge.  Next thing I know, my face is twitching, my shoulder's twitching.  I had what I have since referred to over a hundred times as a "Taylor Swift Seizure."  Something about her voice must get me in that way.

Take for example, instance number two.

I was at work hanging out in the garage with a couple of my residents.  One of which enjoys me finding and playing music on my phone.  No, it's not a smart phone, so essentially it was me finding ring tones that I thought he would enjoy, including a game we played frequently called "Guess the TV Theme Song."  Well, we had moved to Christmas Songs.  I have always liked the song "Last Christmas." And I saw a Taylor Swift version of this song.  Now, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially as it relates to Christmas, so I gave it a shot.  Would you believe that it turned into a bigger "seizure?"  I had an uncontrollable shoulder shrug / arm thing that resembled a fairly goofy dance and my residents still mimic it to this day.

The End of Chapter One As We Know It.

Well, that was traumatic for all of us, I'm sure.  But what we should focus on is that I made an effort to start something as opposed to procrastinating like I have done for almost an entire year. So, I challenge you to do something similar.  Find something that you may or may not be able to accomplish and make a valiant effort to initiate it.  It may be exactly what I did, making a small list to elaborate on later.  Even a to-do list is better than a mental note, right? I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

A Note on The Special Olympics

Earlier I write about the Paralympic Games in Sochi and compared it to when I watched the Special Olympics many years ago.   I was going through some old notes on Facebook, and I came across this. It's from 4/17/08.  But lately I've been having the same kind of thoughts in my head and this really kind of sums it up.  I don't have to even read it.... So if you don't think it fits in, maybe that's my lack of pre-reading my own work.  But, here it is....

I Want to Be in Last Place - Kelley Shepherd

How often is it that when you enter a contest, or a game, or a series of contests and games that you are proud of yourself for coming in last place? Don’t you just love the feeling of knowing that nobody finished after you? Well, to some people – most good sportsmen should be included – it’s not always about how you finish, but that you were there to play. 

Today I went to watch the 2008 Special Olympics held at Saginaw Valley State University. I had never been to an event like that, and I’ve been trying my hardest to keep an open mind about things lately, so I was a little bit excited to see what I have been missing out on watching. I have had some opportunities to attend this type of event (since it was held at the college I graduated from and will be attending again in the up-coming fall semester) but never once thought about attending. My co-worker informed me this morning that two clients would be participating in the Special Olympics, and later one of the participating clients told me they were going there. I asked where they were held and she said down the road from school, which would be somewhere in New Lothrop or Chesaning. When my boss came in, she told me that she and I would be taking the client who doesn’t go to school to watch the Special Olympics. 
When we got in there, everything seemed like a mess. Developmentally challenged people were everywhere. This didn’t scare me, or make me uncomfortable, because I’ve gotten used to my job and being around people who have special needs. There were some people on the winner’s podium, but nobody really saying what was going on. I thought, “Oh great, we came all the way out here to see our client and we won’t even know how to find her.” Only one of the clients ended up going. I saw some people who worked at my old high school, but didn’t get an opportunity to say hello. 

Looking around, I had no idea who any of the people were, or what they were going to participate in. I didn’t even know what our client was going to participate in. The client we brought to watch was having behavioral issues and that made me wonder if I would even enjoy myself. After meandering around for awhile, I saw a familiar face: A schoolmate from high school that was in the special education classes. I used to talk to her almost every morning before school started and after classes were done at the end of the day. She was always so excited to talk to me, so I decided to take a trip down memory lane. 
Obviously, I didn’t expect her to remember me by name, but I asked her anyways. She said she remembered me so I asked if she did remember my name. She told me I was somebody who I’ve never heard of, so I re-introduced myself. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure I ever told her my name or if she ever asked me while we were in school together. She told me what events she was doing and asked me if I was going to watch her. I said I would try to see her events, and I watched her do a “walk,” in which she ran her heart out and I cheered and clapped for her as she ran by me. I’m pretty sure she got second place. I don’t remember if I talked to her again, but I saw her with a ribbon on. 

After talking and watching the race, my boss and I looked for our client in the mix. When we saw her we tried to get in the area where the school had congregated. When the client saw my boss, her face lit up. She was shouting and waving and coming over to see us. Then she saw me and the other client and got even more excited. She was clapping and saying “I’m in the Special Olympics!” over and over again. She was so happy, and it was just because we showed up to watch. 

During the lunch intermission, another special education student from my old school crossed my path. This one knew exactly who I was. He gave me a big hug and we talked about his family, where he’s going to school now, and what he’s been up to. He treated my boss like he had known her for years. She asked him to repeat where his sister works and he interpreted it as her trying to remember his sister and said, “You’d know her if you saw her face,” and we laughed. We weren’t laughing at him, but the situation was funny. He showed me what events he was going to do, but I didn’t make it over to see any of his. 

Our client’s event was a little bit after lunch time got over. So we pushed the other client’s wheelchair over to where the event was being held. She was participating in softball toss. We had a camera and got some pictures of her throwing the ball and standing in line. When she got done throwing, she was so proud of herself. She’s 56 years old and has the mental capacity of a four or five year old. She smiled the entire time and jumped around in excitement when she finished her throw, and then turned to cheer on her opponent. 

When the event was over, our client received a 5th place ribbon. She was just as excited as when she threw the softball. She knew she got 5th place, but it was all about having a place. It was about being selected and rewarded. It wasn’t about competing to see who had a better throw, who was better than anybody else, or who won even. Everybody wins. Not because it’s the Special Olympics, but because they participate. Any situation is like that, really. We don’t always need to be humble like people say. In humility you have to admit that there’s a potential that somebody is better than you. But why bother considering anything better or worse than anything else? The fact is that we “play the game” – the game of life, as cliché as it is – and that we try. Coldplay refers to the lyric “If you never try, then you never know,” in most of the songs played on the radio stations. It’s because we all need reassurance that it’s OK to try something. It’s OK to fail even. Because, even if we come in last place, it means we finished. And there is no reason we can’t be proud of that. 

The Jackets Keep On Winning

'Cause I gotta have faith!  =)  Today also contained what was probably the most excited I've ever been during PensPredictor Txts where I predicted more shots allowed and the Penguins lost .... To the Detroit Red Wings.  There's all kinds of March madness going on here!

Speaking of which, I've got a bracket going for that.  I joined in with a group supporting the fight against blood cancers -- the Team in Training for the Boston Marathon sponsored by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  It's not about the winning, it's about the battle, and I think that concept is evident in this group.

I remember walking around at work today with something on my mind and thinking I had to remember that so I could blog about it because I don't have such capabilities there. I have yet to remember more than thinking I should remember something. Other times I think of the greatest things to write down are: in the middle of my dreams, while I'm driving, or that brilliant moment between having the idea 10 feet away from the computer and having it vaporize with each step and completely gone by the time I sit down.  A mental SBD, if you will.  If you don't know what an SBD is, I respect you that much more.

So I'm just going to leave you with this thought.

Today was the first day of Spring, I think we had a high of 40.  It snowed. Another point for the jackets.

And So It Goes...

Seems I was right.  The past couple days have been a blur and when I finally woke up from it all it was Thursday.  Rather, it is Thursday. And I'm still not sure the fog has faded.

I'm going to call this my blog for yesterday and come back to blogging after work tonight for today.

That Awkward Moment...

That awkward moment when it's time to update your blog but you get highly distracted by the fact that there are a couple hockey games on that you're more than interested in watching but only have a little bit of time because there is no adjective known to man to describe the potential for your current week at work and you don't really know if it's going to get better or worse but it doesn't really matter cause as long as it's only five days long "it could be worse" and you know that's a true story because you've had plenty of weeks that lasted longer than five days and then when you do sit down to write your blog you don't really have anything to say except for how everything seems pretty fast paced this week and you close your eyes and next thing you know it's Thursday which is cool cause that means there's only two more days before you're off again and you can watch hockey like the game going on right now which is actually at intermission and you're sitting here thinking hurry up and finish a sentence so you can change the channel without distracting yourself from the thought that you have to write your blog even though there's not a whole lot to say and it will probably only be one sentence if you can muster even that much.

Hooray For Mail!

(Mail is finally pretty much caught up)!

I finally got my CTFxC is For Haters hoodie today.  It only took over three months.

Overall today was a good Monday.  I haven't really got anything to say today.  It's been a long day -- not particularly bad, in fact it was pretty good.  I got a Christmas Card in the mail too.  That was also supposed to be delivered in January.  And I got a Barnes & Noble Gift Card.  But that was on time.

So that's pretty much been my day.  Sorry it's a boring blog today. I'll have more effort for you in the next couple days.  Tomorrow may not be anything extravagant due to work conflict, but I don't want to write myself off yet.

Oh, yeah, and Happy St. Patrick's Day to those who are celebrating.

A Few Words on The Paralympic Games.

Yesterday was a big day for a host of people, and I don't mean in the same way as my earlier post might suggest.  How many of you were aware that yesterday was the Gold Medal game for the Paralympic Sled-Hockey Games?   How many of you knew that there were Paralympic Games in general going on, and that they took place in Socchi just as the Olympics did?  Or that this is not a new thing going on -- the Paralympics?

Well, I'm one of the people who, up til yesterday afternoon, never really knew they existed, or paid them any mind until I actually sat down to watch the second half of the third period of the Gold Medal game featuring USA and Russia.  I've heard of the Special Olympics, and have attended a Special Olympics event at Saginaw Valley State University back in 2009, or something like that.

I couldn't believe what I was watching, to be honest, and not at all in a "this is ridiculous" sort of way, by any means, either. I thought it was a little ridiculous that I had never knew about it or paid attention to it before. And I didn't know if I should be angry at the media for not covering it or angry at myself for trying to think I should be told everything and not finding it out on my own.  I couldn't believe that it took an "I just happened to notice a Facebook post that the game was going to be on NBC" moment for me to notice.

Then, while watching these players rely solely on their upper body strength and fierce mentality to overcome obstacles and compete for a prestigious gold medal, I only wished I had paid attention sooner.  I wished I had been watching the complete Paralympic Games.  I wondered if they were made available to me had I wanted to or knew they were going on. Watching that game reminded me of watching the Canada v. Sweden Gold Medal games just weeks prior.  The disappointment the Swedes had when they came in second seemed to outweigh their overall appreciation to be where they were.  To watch Finland beat the US the day before and to see the pride in winning the Bronze Medal. And the intoxication of the Canadians as they joyously belted out "Oh, Canada" during the medal ceremony.  None of that seemed to shine at all in comparison to the smiles on the faces of the Russians as they claimed the Silver medal in front of their home crowd yesterday during the Paralympic games.

And it's just amazing, awesome, and inspiring to see how much drive these men had given the obstacles they had to overcome in life aside from their Olympic spirit. And they were so young! Sometimes I think we forget about the spirit of the game and focus on the result...the medal.... and we forget that even making the list counts for something.  And furthermore, these games make me realize how much in life we overlook. How much we take for granted.  And I work with special needs adults who have so much to give and I learn so much from them and don't even see them as disabled, but I still take things for granted.  It's so easy to complain about any little thing.  And everybody has a rough patch in life and should be given the release of complaining every so often, but there are so many people in the world that have a reason to complain but still find the thing to keep them going.

It's a slippery slope, this place I've put myself now, and I'm pointing it out only to teach myself a lesson in the long run, I guess.  But I feel like there should be less categorizing going on, too.  For me, it should be more about embracing similarities than labeling differences.  [i don't know why, but right now I am fighting a "delete all" gut feeling and trying to fight through it....I hope I'm not coming off poorly at this point.  I sure hope I have a point too!]

Anyways, I would just like to put out a congratulatory post to the Men's Sled Hockey medalists from the United States, Russia, and Canada.  I feel guilty to have only seen eight minutes of this entire Paralympic Games but I feel educated now with their existence and I hope that I have let somebody else in on what is hopefully not the Olympics' best kept secret.  Congratulations to all Olympians!  [I say this like an Olympian is going to read this. But you never know, right?]

Diary from the LepreKel

I have only been out for St. Patrick's day twice. Once was at Coty's Landing in Saginaw, MI where I think I spent more time hanging out with my sister than the friend I went there to meet.  I don't remember getting hammered. I don't think I did. I know my friend did, so at least chalk up to "I wasn't the worst there." And my friend was embarrassing enough for the both of us, I'm pretty sure.  Those days are long behind me now. if I want to be brave, and make my story here completely linear, we're going to call this St. Paddy's Day 2011.  Please, don't hold me to that, but it sounds fairly accurate.

Since then, I have moved to Pittsburgh.  My recollections of 2012, 2013, and 2014 are as follows:

In 2012, St. Paddy's day was a Saturday.  I know this because I worked. And I made green omelettes for my residents filled with asparagus and cheese. They were not bad, considering they contained asparagus. The Friday before, I remember my co-worker wanting to leave early because he had something to do...I can't remember what, but I know that I came into work that day with an insane headache that I couldn't shake and I also called the program coordinator to see if I could go home.  Saturday I only felt a wee bit better. I also remember getting a txt from my cousin Aaron who was on leave from the Army and travelling ...he somehow ended up in Philly coming from Las Vegas to Michigan. Airways are great, aren't they?  But that txt conversation was the highlight of my day.  Because when I got out of work, I could hardly keep my head up. I managed to drive over the Highland Park Bridge, merge onto 28, and get home with time to throw on PJs and crash for the night at 7pm.

Last year is a complete blank for me. Given the likely scenario, and considering that St. Patrick's Day would have been a Sunday, two things are probably the idea.  I likely went to church and/or worked.  More than likely there was a St. Patrick's Day dance for the residents (somebody e-mail me ibanezhockey@gmail.com to write a blog about the experience of a dance, if you'd like to read about it) where I got the most incredible doughnut / cookie / scrumptious thing ever. I feel like that was also the day the van broke down and I waited in the van for over an hour at the gas station for AAA to come.   Even if that wasn't the case, I would like to submit that now as my memory because it seems to have turned out wicked amusing.

This year, I made myself go out for the second time in my life.  I forwent my daily blogging obligations to have some material to blog about.  Par for the course, I had to work in the morning, then drove past "my bar" on the way home.  It was packed.  I saw a poster when I went there for lunch one day that they were having a party and decided to go home and change into something green and see where the wind took me.  I met up with a couple friends, had me some green beer, and more green beer, and more green beer.  My friends left, and I settled in to watch a combination of the roaming bagpiper and the Red Sox game. The DJ played some music and I wound up with a Yuengling T-Shirt that says "I survived St. Patrick's Day 2014 At _______."   I like the implications of leaving it blank.  It makes it sound like I had such a good time I couldn't remember where I was. And I find that pretty humorous.  I was home by 10, watched / lightly napped to the Columbus Blue Jackets beat the Minnesota Wild in a Shootout they were destined to lose.  They were down 0-2, then got within 1, Sergei made a huge stop on the third shot and the Jackets tied it up, only to blow the Wild away on the first extra shot.

All in All, it was a good time, and it's not even St. Patrick's DAY yet.  But the party was amazing.  And I love being a part of a nice bar crowd who shouts "salt, salt, salt" during Margaritaville. I do wish I would've heard (probably if I stuck around longer I would have) piano man cause that's a fun one too.  Or Sweet Caroline, but I think that's more of a baseball song than a bar song.  Oh, and the Sox lost.  I got home in time to miss the last out, which was actually why I went home....to hopefully see and hear a Sox comeback in the bottom of the 9th.  Oh well, Here's To The Night anyways.... CHEERS!

Pi Day

Well, Pi Day has rolled around again.  It always amuses me and I don't really know why. I did make an Oreo pudding pie at work today though, so I guess that's something. Yes, I know ... 3.14159 etc etc etc

Tomorrow is, of course, March 15th.  So all I really have for you today is an early warning, that may have helped Caesar's case (I wonder if I should have a Caesar Salad tomorrow?).....


BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

Over The Hump

Well, I've made it a week blogging daily.  It's been tough.  Today is tough, too.  I haven't really got anything planned for today, so we'll go with some sort of "stream of consciousness" thing.

I watched the Columbus Blue Jackets fall to the San Jose Sharks this evening. It was in OT so they'll still get a point for the loss.  I wasn't particularly glued to it...

...which was NOT the case for the season premier of Hell's Kitchen.  I watched as much of it as I could.  There was a slight delay where I had to drive home from work, but missing a little bit of TV was well worth being able to enjoy the ending in the privacy of my own home. It looks like this season is going to be chockabuck full of co...wait no this isn't the famous line from Love Actually... drama.  Looks like there are going to be a ton more fights than they usually have, and that there won't be as much self control.  Now, I've had my fair share of break downs and "rage blackouts" but what I find amusing is how you have to wonder if the contestants really don't know that there is going to be such high intensity... I mean, they're in Season 12, right?  Get a clue.

But I watched it today and really understood why they let that stuff go on.  I am sure that a good bit of it has to do with the entertainment value, but Chef Ramsay doesn't seem to be the type of guy that would compromise the well being of his name and fame by letting fools run his highly acclaimed restaurants. In life, you very rarely work with a group in which you get along with every single person 100% of the time.  And if you're one of the select few that rise up the ranks in your field, you'll very rarely be viewed as the best one suited for the job by everyone else who didn't get that position you got. And when you get to the final 3 or 4 contestants you can see that it turns into who has the most leadership skill.

But in terms of me and my life it reminds me that people weren't all meant to get along with each other, it's all about the way you look at the hand you're dealt.  Everybody on that show loves what they do, you would suspect, otherwise, why embarrass yourself on national TV?  And you shouldn't let the people who bully you or irritate you or make you look foolish on account of their own mistakes dictate who you really are, right? Isn't that the point?  Rise above, not against?

I read the gist of an article on toxic people today.  It dealt with how nobody is an exemption or exception when it comes to a toxic person.  I've been trying to free myself of "human toxins" lately and find that it's hard to do in workplace environments. Maybe not all of them, but in my current environment it is.  The less people you see in a day, the harder it is to avoid the problem ones. But what can you do?  The best thing I have been able to remind myself is the name of the game is "coexistence" not really getting along or feuding or anything else.

Do you ever get that feeling that instead of living in a moment, you're watching yourself epic fail at the moment you're living?  I've had that feeling a lot today.  It wasn't particularly dignified or newsworthy (oh geez, there I go again with the Love Actually reference) but it was like I just watched myself as a fly on the wall and just wanted to hit pause and ask myself what I was doing. This leads me to routine, and the many problems with the idea of routine.  But I think I want to save that for its own entry.  I feel like I could rant about routine forever. So I'm going to just cut this off here before I actually complete a thought and make some sense for a change. I would hate to make some sense.

A Spice of Life

"Measure the precise amount" is never something heard on Rachael Ray or Emeril. A pinch of this, a dash of that, a palm full, or maybe less. The master chef doesn't always know how much of something he puts in, or want to. He goes by taste. How is it, then, that the portioning is always precise in his restaurant?

Do twins have equal measurements? Do they -- with their same colored hair, same height, and same birth mark -- contain the same things?

How is it that a thing is a thing? With its height, weight, size, shape. At what point does God stop making the man and the man make himself? God makes a life, man makes himself?

Buildings in a complex -- indistinguishable on the outside, unique on the inside. Does that construction worker take credit for the life inside? Things are made whole by inner promise.

To make man:

Start with a precise amount of air
A dash of soul
A pinch of wit
Add a palm full of emotion, to taste
A healthy portion of skin, bone, and hair
Perhaps a touch of alopecia, if hair is not available

Throw it in the oven at 98.6 degrees for a reasonable lifetime.

BAM! You're done.

The Bird in the Bathroom Vent (a poem)

I'm trapped --
--like a bird in a bathroom vent.
Flip the switch and I'm done.

I've built my nest
now I must sit in it,
waiting
anxiously

....for that moment when it all ends.

Air pulled from my throat,
the pieces fall apart.

I make my presence known --
...speak up when I can,
to the outsiders --
the insiders?
Am I heard?

But wait, I was here first.

Flying away is done on vestment,
not the interest of those insiders and outsiders.

I am a bird
in a bathroom vent.
Lucky for me, it doesn't suck.

Early Retirement

I don't think I normally do things like this, as least not intentionally.  The people who know me best would know my social tendencies better than I do, I suspect.  And really, I prefer to be out of the loop when it comes to current events until things get pretty well sorted out credibility wise. But today I'd like to try my hand at a response blog. Today I'm going to respond to the currently trending news of Rashard Mendenhall's retirement at the tender age of 26.

I'll give you a little time to read and digest his testimony before I dive right in here.

I will give him props to write his own retirement article before the media got ahold of the retirement rumors and spun it  to "he has a secret injury" or "he has a wild home life he needs to tend to" or "he just isn't the Rashard Mendenhall from six years ago when he joined the Steelers" or something like that.  People are more apt to believe the media than the subject of the media once stories like that are dispensed. And that's not right.

But to me, it seems sort of hypocritical to write the article he did. I know, it's a bold statement to make, especially when I am a nobody behind a computer screen in whatever town, some state. But I'm a Steelers fan, and yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh.  No, this isn't any sort of gripe about Mendenhall's performance as a Steeler, or his leaving the organization. I don't know enough facts to form that kind of opinion in a biased medium.

What I'm getting at is how he starts off talking about how he just wanted to vanish, disappear, and quietly leave the game.  I respected that.  In fact, I truly wish that was all he said.  Not that I believe him to not be a very interesting guy... his story is valid. His points are valid.  He just makes so many. In a sense, Mendenhall went from the calm demeanor to completely on the defense. I feel like he shouldn't have to justify his retirement, or at least not in a particularly long article. The more you say, the more ammo you give the critical audience you've grown so sick of.  I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I mean, he said enough to get me to respond.

Do I think the article was poorly written? No. I think he writes very well, and I hope he has a successful writing career, and he sounds to be a very professional guy. I just would have expected somebody who makes a point to show he left money, fame, etc. at the table to pursue his own happiness would have taken a more quiet exit from the game, which let me remind you, was his intent at the beginning of the article. Your biggest fans would accept something simple like: "I'm retiring. Even though I'm 26, it's just time for me to do me." and then not address the media on it. As I said, his points are valid, but I think they would have been even more poignant if he would have led with the subtle retirement notice, waited for the media frenzy, waited for the media to frizzle, and then go public.

To me the article just says "I'm looking for some attention to say I'm sick of getting attention." But don't take my word for it.  Form your own opinion and go with your gut. That's all I'm doing.

Is Nostalgia Contagious?

"Is nostalgia contagious?"

It's a valid question, isn't it?  I mean, what is nostalgia?  And if you spend your whole life looking back on what used to be, what is usually the motivation for it?  Wishing you could go back or wishing you could forget? Today I had one of those moments where I thought it would be a good idea to go back and read over my Livejournal, which covers a span of 2004 to 2013 since I haven't (to my recollection?) updated this year.

I started at the beginning and wanted to see what was going on.  Turns out I spent a lot of time either angry or trying too hard to fit in.  I found a "Which OC Character are You?" quiz result thing that makes more sense to me now than it ever did back when I got the results 10 years ago.  Last summer, I went through a stage where I had some pretty severe nostalgia, or something.  This is probably why I started at the beginning of my LJ life and worked forwards, instead of starting newest to oldest.  But what's weird is how it's hard to come to grips with everything.  1) "How have I changed over the past 10 years?" and 2) "How have I remained the same?" which leads to "Am I happy with the progress of my life?"

One thing I realized is that there are some things that I really miss, but not very many people I miss.  I look back and see things that used to amuse me like "word of the day" and "Mikey's Funnies" which I still get e-mails today for both but I never take the time to read them, in fact I think they go to Spam if they even get e-mailed at all.  I see what I can best describe as social experiments and can't even remember how I got involved in them or why it seemed like some of the things I did made sense, let alone seemed like a good idea. Ultimately, it was about acceptance.

So why do we do it?  Why do we go back and relive the past?  Especially the ridiculously horrible, horrifying, and unpleasant aspects?  I'm happy to say I really don't think I'm socially the same person I was 10 years ago, but I am more than likely kidding myself. But I know that there are some very precious diamonds that have shown through the coal of my past.  And they say "everything happens for a reason." Some of the things in my life right now could not have ever been possible if I wouldn't have been exposed to the toxins that poisoned my adolescence. I wouldn't have gotten a livejournal, I know that much.  And there are at least four people who were introduced to my life through livejournal that have made an incredible shift in my growth.  These people will never know what they lured me away from with their positive influences.

I suspect that nostalgia is the puzzle piece that keeps us from burning our own bridge. So that we always know where we came from.  We don't have to follow the lead of Gob Bluth and use "forget me now" to burn our bridges.  It's probably easier to put up detour signs than burn bridges anyways. So maybe that's it?

Springing Forward

I've decided that this is one of my favorite times of year, regardless of the fact that occasionally I feel like absolute crap. Around here, Spring doesn't exactly come and stay. It's one of those situations where mother nature starts her job at Spring Time, Inc., and then has to go on instant FMLA Leave, to return, only to get the flu, and then come back full time.  And I get what I like to call "equinox allergies" so when it keeps trying to turn into Spring, I get sick. Same goes for the Fall.  (Naturally). So aside from this misery, I have recently come to the realization that this is the time of year where baseball season gets going, hockey season amps up, and there's actually starting to be some daylight when I get out of work occasionally.

But this week contained one of my favorite "holidays."  The NHL Trade Deadline. I get excited at the potential for huge moves and pivotal changes that could make or break a team.  I also love the fact that fans get to see the business end of the team.  We can appreciate more the fun and games aspect we see on TV seeing the weeks leading up to the Trade Deadline treating players like pawns. The uneasiness of the players who are likely to be traded may not be shown on the ice, but best believe you see it on the ice the first week they play for their new team. Or their same team.

For the past few days, in the games I've been watching, there has been such an energy on the ice now that the players aren't just pieces of property with dollar signs around their necks (or "dirty laundry" in the case of M. St. Louis). And while you have this excitement, you get games like the ones Detroit played last night.  Legwand had 3 points including a goal in his second outing as a Detroit Red Wing in a 7-4 blowout over the Devils. Or the game the Bolts played against the Bruins tonight without the face of Martin St. Louis, but with the recent return of Stamkos. Oh, and for the record, Columbus won a nail-biter in Nashville tonight, too. (The Nashville loudspeaker also played one of the most offensive versions of "Don't Stop Believin'" I have ever heard.  But that's only because Journey doesn't deserve to be twanged for one, and the version sounded so miserable to be from SOUTH DETROIT!).

And the playoffs are right around the corner. And once they get here, the MLB season will be picking up and the smell of popcorn and hotdogs will be outside, as opposed to ...say... Consol Energy Center. But I wasn't really a fan of those hot dogs.  Or at least the particular one I had.  But that was a game where Detroit was in town, and the Red Wings won, and I had a blast. And then I will start ranting about Miguel Cabrera and the Detroit Tigers closing pitchers. But it will be fine, because there's nothing better than having a team to root for.

In case I haven't told you yet, there are four seasons in the course of the year: Baseball, Football, Hockey, and Snow.  And they're all awesome, even when there's something to complain about.

A Bold Faced Lie

Today I got my exercise in. 


So we're all on the same page, this is a lie and in bold.  This is to serve as a motivator to overcome whatever happened this week that caused my twitching to start back up and cause a real problem with my ability to do my workout.  I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I want to be able to look back and say "this really was a bad day as far as my workout is concerned." Plus, I am forcing myself to write about it as a way to work through my writer's block...so I don't end up with two horrifying failures in an otherwise fairly productive day.

I will be getting a new Pens T-Shirt next week, and the order has been sent to the warehouse to re-ship my CTFxC is For Haters hoodie after that debacle. With any luck, my autographed Max Collins CD will be coming in the mail soon too.  Then I think I am squared away with mail.  Aside from bills anyways.

Wow, I'm impressed with how long I got this, considering my writer's block.  But I do look forward to this challenge I've set for myself.  I think the way to remedy this week will be to re-do the program's entire Week 3 over.  Or I need to just let it go...and cut myself some slack.  Maybe that's why I'm so twitchy again... Maybe I'm expecting too much from myself.  Or holding myself accountable for too much. Or maybe I'm fighting apathy so much it's draining every bit of energy I have.  Or.... maybe I just get sucked into too much TV.  Not even TV.... Arrested Development is my current obsession and season 4 is weird.  But I find out every day how much I really DO live under a rock.  And that is NOT a bold faced lie.  Or a lie, period.

What the NHL are you Implying?

When the NHL conference and division changes were announced, I was a tiny bit worried. Being a Detroit Red Wings fan living in Pittsburgh, PA, I had settled my inner hockey rivalry by playing the conference card. [Figure: it's not too hard to root for a Detroit / Pittsburgh Stanley Cup rematch, though my absolute favorite SCF was 2011 when the Boston Bruins played the Vancouver Canucks in the playoff season where it seemed everybody was playing the full 7 games and OT, and the Pens had the ginormous upper hand on Tampa Bay and dropped 3 in a row to be catapulted from the Cup run, to boot]. But to find the Red Wings on their way to the Eastern Conference after such a power grip on the Western Conference even with the likes of Vancouver, LA, and Chicago emerging over the past 5 years [When I was growing up with hockey, your Western Conference eight was typically Vancouver, Calgary, St. Louis, Dallas, Colorado, Detroit, Phoenix, and Anaheim] made me very worried.

I consider myself a Hockey fan more than picking and sticking with a team, though I will always love the Red Wings as my first born. Now, I'm a first born, and I know how little water that argument can really hold.  But really, when I lived in Michigan I used to absolutely love watching the Eastern Conference games.  Montreal, Boston, and New Jersey were my favorites. I used to love the Buffalo Sabres too. And the old-school Crapitals were pretty cool (clearly my opinion has changed) when they had Adam Oates and Chris Simon. And it was easy to rationalize because in my eyes, the Red Wings were #1 and the Eastern Conference as a whole was #2.

I always tell people there is one major difference between East and West hockey.  The Eastern Conference has always been the elitist group, if you will. The tape-to-tape passes, precision, accuracy, and most importantly speed. The pace of an Eastern Conference game still blows my mind.  The Western Conference is all about the physical play. Get your man in front of the net and screen, screen, screen! The pace is slower because there is more hitting and board play.  The West is your nitty gritty, so to speak.  Your grind lines and "bash brothers" hockey [cref: "The Mighty Ducks" movies].

The Red Wings were going to the Eastern Conference and I was worried because, as I said when the change was announced, "There's nowhere for them to place!"  Looking at Boston, Pittsburgh, Montreal, New Jersey, the new division breakdowns, the retirements, the overall age of the Red Wings, who went from one of the oldest average to one of the youngest average, etc. etc. etc., I said "They're going to get eaten alive!"  Now, like I said, The Red Wings will always be my first child and I wasn't giving up on them as much as seeing it in the light of when your kid goes from elementary school to middle school and they've got thick glasses and a limp and you love them dearly but you hope to God the other kids don't pick on them.

Then I got bold.  The other team to switch from West to East was Columbus.  And I was willing to bet that they'd be in the playoffs without even blinking an eye.  I need to remind you, I'm a Michigander for the most part and when I'm not, I'm a Pittsburgher, and Ohio is the POS in the middle and neither state appears to be very fond of Ohio [The armpit of the United States] so this was about as bold a statement as I could ever make.  But the Blue Jackets got buried in the Western Conference.  They didn't have the grit to fight, say, the Colorado Avalanche. They had the speed to keep the game moving. They had wise players, precision players, but were up against grind line checkers who pulverized them before they got to show their stuff. But in the Eastern Conference, there would be more opportunity for their precision and speed.

I saw the first half of the season standings.  I didn't really watch many games due to work conflict and lack of cable, but what I do know is this: The CBJ are becoming the team I expected them to be.  And I'm proud to see my Detroit Red Wings trying to grasp at 8th in the Conference. These two teams are neck and neck, trying to show the folks who've been sitting in the Eastern Conference for ...forever?... that not only do they belong in the East but they can excel at it. I will forever be happy that the Red Wings didn't tank.  They've got some injuries holding them back a bit, but Hockeytown is a magical place... in DETROIT.

Part of me wanted to write about this just to have proof that I said Columbus was going to make it to the playoffs this season, but the rest of me doesn't really like to be held accountable for bold predictions.  However, I am just a hockey fan who loves to make predictions.  And I'm thankful to have a sport to be so passionate about.

Lent Blogging

I have decided to challenge myself over the course of Lent to "give up" my lack of blogging lately.  So, I am trying to motivate myself to blog daily.  Consider this post backdated to yesterday (Ash Wednesday) and I will post later this evening (Thursday) to get on track.  Go figure I manage to screw up day one. But, that's the hardest part about "breaking a habit," isn't it?  Day one.

Now I'm off, with "Breaking The Habit" from Linkin Park stuck in my head.