Toxic

First and foremost, I'd like to point out how I feel like I'm cheating on the Red Wings being so excited the Columbus Blue Jackets picked up 2 points tonight. But I feel like the Red Wings and Blue Jackets can both pick up a wild card spot and I would be totally content with that. Unfortunately I think #1 and #2 in the Eastern Conference are Boston and Pittsburgh. We'll see how that goes. But I will be very happy if they both make it, or if either makes it really. I think Columbus is really proving themselves this year as a fierce contender in the Eastern Conference. Proud of the Mid-West boys.

Now I'd like to set the mood, if I may, for the next part of this blog. I come bearing Vanilla Fudge.

Yesterday while doing my daily duties at work, I was in the van. The song I only really know as "The Armageddon Song" came on the radio.  It brought back a flood of memories that essentially just infuriated me:  SENIOR PROM.

The first memory was not so horrible. I had the opportunity to dance with the guy who had competed for and won a prestigious title that may or may not have had any real significance outside of the competition itself.  I believe part of it was a fund raiser. I could be wrong.  I remember carrying around a denture cup I won as a prize in some crazy game in Spanish II.  Maybe I was just being weird? I wonder how off topic I can make this paragraph.  Bottom line: it was the best part of Prom, but it wasn't really all that spectacular -- he had essentially been ditched by his date, and I had decided he should not miss the last dance of prom on account of one of the most toxic people I know.

Then I got to thinking about how I was essentially bribed to go to Prom by said toxic person by an offer to punch another toxic person in my life [still waiting on that one] and also with a date she found who I agreed to on the understanding that it would at least create socializing opportunities. Well, the date backed out after I bought a dress, which was upsetting on account of I hate dresses and didn't even want to go to Prom. Anyways, Obladi Oblada Life Goes On, right?

Then I got to thinking about how I got a ride from "toxic person number two" to Prom and was never informed that she had no intention of bringing me home before she and her friends went on to their post-prom activities. I don't think I was upset for not being invited, but I would have loved to know I needed to make arrangements to get myself home. Lucky for me, the guy I danced with managed to squeeze me in his vehicle full of people before he did his post-prom thing.

I don't think the food was all that great for as long as we had to wait for it.  I want to say it was hands down the more miserable "You HAVE to go! It will be so FUN!" things I've ever attended.

But the reason I bring all this up is because I have recently tried to find myself to be in the company of people that DON'T treat me like the two toxic people unnamed above did. I very recently just gave up on them ... Twelve years after Prom. And they haven't changed, and I haven't changed.  But sometimes you just get caught up in something out of routine and it's all you've ever known.  I'm not going to lie, I'm having a hard time out here meeting people and socializing.  But I feel like I have been so screwed up so many bad choices in friends that i don't want to even try anymore. I don't know.  It's a rough thing.  Especially when you realize that there are only a handful of friends worth coming back to visit or getting in touch with when you're home.  And then there's family, and friends that don't live in your home-town. People that you would love to visit but haven't had the brains or wits to do it.

But I'm trying. I'm not good at meeting people, getting out, or making friends. Nor do I know where to find "nice people who are fun to hang out with" (who preferably can stand to watch a little hockey, baseball, or football).  One time last year during the Penguins Playoff Run I considered joining a group of people who appeared to be my age at a table at the bar I was at just for the sake of meeting people. I chickened out. But I think I am going to promise myself that if I see that group again this year I am going to try to BE more social. I guess the worst thing they could do is laugh at me and tell me to go somewhere else.

...Right?