Friday, April 25, 2014

Dusk (a poem)

Dusk,
you are my knight in shining armor--
the whisper soaring through the sapphire sky,
driving my dreams, you are my compass.

Dusk,
a reason to make it through the day--
faith to find the needle in the hay,
but never a word do you say.

Dusk,
you are the shadow without the doubt--
the cloud that brings cool without the rain,
chasing my anger, you are my phoenix.

Dusk,
a rustic house of pebbles and stone,
linen dried as the sun shown,
now it's you and I alone.

Dusk,
you are the raven to my Poe--
nevermore, my dear Lenore,
scribbling my thoughts, you are my journal.

Dusk,
the winding, slippery slope--
I careen as you hope
I'm looking through my telescope.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

When Excuses Fail

"I just don't feel like it" can only take you so far in life.  I mean, if everything you don't feel like doing doesn't get done on account of "I don't feel like it," then nothing would ever get done, no accomplishments would be made, and nothing would ever move forward.  And I guess it can be argued that not everybody wants to move forward...that even progress can be subjected to "I don't feel like it," but where does even that get you? Progressively further away from the point where you felt like doing things, wanted to do anything, etc.  So where does apathy come in? I mean, just because you don't feel like doing something doesn't mean you don't care about it....does it?   Or maybe it does. I don't really know.  Just something I've been dealing with this month, I guess.  I haven't felt like doing much of anything. And it wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't feel like I had any motivation to.  And I can't even believe that April has nearly gone by. Time is moving incredibly fast, I guess. And I just want to dig my heels in and say, "Wait for me!" but I don't really see that happening.

Cue, Boston. And Boston. And Boston.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Day By Day

Today was the day I decided to change over my dry erase calendar.  Now, I am absolutely horrible at keeping that sucker up to date. And I don't know if part of it is lazy, forgetful, or psychosomatic. See, I used to be pretty good at keeping up on it.  Then August 2012 happened. I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding and I had a very poor lapse in judgement that could have cost me my life had I been any less cautious. (Never mix medication and alcohol, even if you don't think you take a high dose and you don't plan to drink a whole lot..things very rarely work out the way you plan when you're caught up in a moment like that).  It's something I'll have to live down forever, especially when there are people who have vowed to never let me forget, be it an inability to forgive or it just being "funny" or I don't know what.  Long story short, it was a huge thing and I have a hard time even forgiving myself for it, but I'm moving on day by day.

I finally decided to change my dry erase calendar again in late March of 2013. It was "March-April 2013" and the last week on the calendar was the week of April 15, 2013.  This happens to be the day of the Boston Marathon bombing which affected a very close, very dear friend of mine. It really isn't my story to tell, but I can share how I remember the day.  It was misty/rainy and I had to work, which I don't do on Mondays.  I had to get a cell phone from the office in Green Tree with one of my residents. We went to Wendy's for lunch and got the Asagio Chicken Sandwiches. On the way back I was telling my resident about my friend is running in a marathon and I had signed up for text messages to get checkpoint updates.  He thought that was the coolest thing (I think it is the coolest thing too) and he wanted to do one too.  I had told him that he was going to be doing the Highmark Walk in a couple weeks, and that would be pretty close (1K fun walk = 26.2 miles.  Don't question my math....ever).

Well, the rest of the story probably tells itself. Sitting on the couch watching FRIENDS, keeping an eye on my checkpoint update text messages, I happen to hop onto Facebook. Somebody I went to high school with had posted something along the lines of "bombing at the Boston marathon? what is the world coming to?" I flipped over to a local news channel (probably having to check the TV guide to see what channel the news was on....Who do you think I am? somebody who watches the news?) and sure enough, I saw the replays on the TV, smoke in the air, people running -- away, not in any way "Marathony" -- and crying and screaming....and I was frozen... because when you only have one way to get ahold of somebody you care for and it is by far not the best, fastest, or smartest thing to utilize, you shut down.  Then, you go back to the message that said the person you are tracking has finished the race.  And you find a Facebook post indicating that the person is OK, considering, and you still subject yourself to the news coverage until you're convinced that FRIENDS is a much better thing to be watching.

As chance would have it, I recently updated my dry erase calendar again. It was fairly ironic, since I hadn't really paid much attention as I did it til I noticed what had happened, that It was pretty much a year later that I updated.  I had March-April 2014, which went up to the end of this week. Today, I updated it again...as a way to get myself back into the habit of knowing the actual date....being in the right year....so that when I am on the phone with somebody and I go "What is today? 2014?" and completely invalidate my entire credibility. But it takes a lot for me not to think that updating my calendar is related to traumatic events.  Clearly I change the dates before shit happens, but it's a tough pill to swallow.

But it's something, that every traumatic event....and by no means am I saying these events were only traumatic to me, mostly traumatic to me, or traumatic in any similar fashion to people closer to some of these events...can only be dealt with day by day.  And nobody should ever expect more from somebody. Everyone deals with everything in their own way.  You can't make me forgive myself for my cousin's wedding day debacle any earlier than I am ready to accept and move past it...I have to take it day by day. And the terrifying memories of Bostonians will not go away at the drop of a hat, if ever, but day by day they will find themselves. They will find themselves as they are, not how some terrorist decided to define them. They are Boston Strong, and they are truly heroic.

If I could tell the city of Boston one thing, it would probably have something to do with my post yesterday. Never Say Never. Don't give up on being you because without you, the world would not be the same. You're still here, you're a survivor, and you are exactly who you need to be.  As you take your place at the starting line next week, just know that you're amazing and your accomplishments outweigh your fears and doubts.  As you line the streets to cheer on friends and family, just know that you're amazing and your support stifles so much hate in the world.  As you move on, day by day, know that you're amazing, because you're Boston, and that's all you need to be.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Never Say Never

However many years ago, when I heard that Justin Beiber released a song called "Never Say Never," I was unbelievably upset to find out that this child star had not re-done on of the coolest songs, second only to "Somewhere Out There," from the greatest movie ever: An American Tail.  I, of course, refused to listen to this or any other song of his based solely on this disapproved trick of a song title.

I mean, who can compete with a duet sung by a mouse and some pigeons?  Certainly not Justin Beiber.

I really only wanted to say one small thing today, and probably a really big thing tomorrow.  I've structured myself as a person to do things in my time and at my pace as much as possible, and I've been preparing mentally the post that will likely happen tomorrow, and I only hope it comes out in black and white the same as it is internally.  

But today, folks, all I want to tell you is....  Don't be who you think others want you to be....they don't know you any better than YOU know you.....and the people who really love YOU....don't love their perceptions of you, they unconditionally love the person you ARE.  And that's why you should never say "never."  Because you don't know what you're "never" going to be able to accomplish....but it won't happen if you don't try.  My phone sent me a fortune cookie today that read: Don't be afraid to try new things. The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. Sounded pretty solid to me.

And for the record, if I didn't spell Justin Beiber right (three times now), I don't think it will hurt my feelings or his. :)

Monday, April 14, 2014

A Case Of The Mondays

It's an awkward thing, isn't it?  Mondays.  They have such an indescribable power over people. The first day of the work week ... should it be that rough?

Well, for me, I don't work on Mondays.  But I did today.  And I got a taste of what is probably considered the "case of the Mondays."  I went to make copies.  After debating, the number 25 sounded like the right way to go.  Why is it, then, that when I went to punch in "25" first of all nothing happened?  Well, naturally, the copy machine was set to "Fax."  Quick fax fix, punch copy, then hit 2-3.  Wait, what?  Whoops.  Oh well, 23 still rounds up to 25, right?

Then, after my duties were just about finished, it starts pouring down rain.  Yep, apartment windows are open.  The difference there is... when I got home, both blinds were shut so there was no problem and I kept the windows open for most of the day

So I get home, hop on the computer to peruse the internet like I always do.... and all of a sudden, my computer doesn't want to type letters.  Every time I hit F the find box came up in the corner, none of the other letters did anything.   Turns out all you have to do to fix that is hit the control key.  Glad I figured that one out before I had to involve the Geek Squad.

But Mondays aren't really that problematic, are they?  I mean....cool things can happen on Mondays too?  I mean most of the time I don't work, so that takes half the battle out of the equation already, right?  I don't think the day of the week has a whole lot to do with it though.  Because going back to work on Tuesdays (normally) feels just about as rough.  But in certain lines of work, every day feels like "Monday."  I know in my job, you don't take a single day for granted, especially a slow one where you can afford to have an oops, because that is never guaranteed.  Tomorrow isn't guaranteed in life, let alone work, so I guess we should at least be grateful we have jobs to screw up at on Mondays, right? It's like that song says... "oblah di oblah dah life goes on"  (yeah I heard that on the radio today, not kidding).

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Celebration of Betrayal

Here it is, my piece from last year where I reflect on Palm Sunday and Holy Week. I apparently have no concept of copy and paste when it comes to Blogger, so here are some festive colors (hopefully).

"Celebration of Betrayal" 


Yep, here we are again....the most intense week of the year.  Today is Palm Sunday -- the most symbolic "Best Day Ever" Christians will probably ever want to celebrate.   Now, I know you're thinking "well, Christmas, duh..." But no, there was no PARTY on that day...  Palm Sunday is the Christian Party Day. Today's the day Jesus comes riding in on the donkey, everyone hoopin' and hollerin' and carryin' on as if nobody else in the world matters at that particular point in time.  We need this day.  This day sets off the seed of darkness (I call it red and black, but I don't expect a bandwagon on that one) and gets the ball rolling on the most epic stories ever told. 
Here's Jesus coming in to celebrate Passover.  He gets a young donkey and rides it into town.  Palm branches just swaying, and praises coming from the crowd.  "Hosanna!" "Blessed is the King of Israel!"  (John 12:13). I'm imagining something of a JFK scenario here.  A man of the people meeting with the people, probably waving and showing gratitude as any loving messiah would do.  But in the back of his mind, that seed of doubt is rooting.  I mean, he knows why he's there - don't get me wrong.  I'm just saying that had Palm Sunday not went so "Best Day Ever," that fear we see in Jesus later in the week may not be so strong. 
But here we are...  Palm Sunday.  Party of the year. You get where you're going and you say, "wow that was AWESOME!"  Cue the Red and Black.  This party becomes just a blur. 
Role Playing Time.  Put yourself at dinner with 12 people that you absolutely trust no matter what.  People who would take beatings, things thrown at them, and not give up on being YOUR friend, no matter who told them what about you or calls them foolish for hanging out with you. You have absolute undefinable respect for these people.  You show your gratitude by humbling yourself in front of them.  By becoming a servant to their needs.  You look around the room...and there....THERE'S THE ONE!  YOU KNOW THAT FACE!  THAT'S THE ONE WHO IS SEALING YOUR FATE -- BOUGHT OUT BY A BRIBE IN A MOMENT OF MISTAKEN PRESTIGE.  This person, now you see him, is what?  A Friend?  A Foe?  Welcome?  Still?  Really?  You're that close.  You become a servant to him. You look him in the eyes, you see his fear...you see him wondering if you know...Oh yes, you know! But you keep going.  This man is going to be famous, that's what he wants. He wants to be the one who turned you over to the authorities for being who you say you are.  If you stop him, you came to this world for nothing.
As the guest of honor even yet, you make a toast.  You tell your friends, "I'll see you on the other side."  And, "Don't you forget about me," and of course you just have to tell them that one of them will have your blood on his hands for the rest of his life. 
I couldn't imagine being in the room with the person who was going to sell me out and give me up, and ultimately be the reason I wind up dead.  The seed of doubt is growing.  At this point, Jesus takes some of his disciples to his favorite spot to pray.  He asks them ONE thing.  ONE SIMPLE THING!  Stay up and wait for me.  Now look what happens.  They keep falling asleep. 
The next part happens so fast!  Coming out of prayer, kissed by Judas, seized by guards, someone loses an ear, "here let me put that back for you," blindfolds you and off into the night, and your Right Hand Man denies ever knowing you...three times.
We all know the rest of the story.  This is the part I get stuck on though.  How can one man spend so long teaching, healing, loving, and being such a role model that his closest friends stop their daily life.  They quit their jobs, they leave their families and just GO...with Jesus.  Such a strong belief.  Such a bond. And to give it all up for some silver coins or fear of persecution?  It's true though, isn't it?  The world we live in now... Betrayal.  Cheating.  Lying.  Scheming.  What can I do to get ahead?   And ultimately, that's what we are CELEBRATING this week.  We are celebrating that even those closest to Jesus were still human.  They had that "Free Will" we talk so much about.  Jesus Pardoned prisoners on the cross while he was dying.  He paid the ultimate price for our sins. 
"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!"   These words live on forever!  And we should do the same.   Without sin, there can be no forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the backbone of Love, Faith, and Hope.  Without Love, Faith, and Hope, we cannot forgive. 
Now as I am writing this, a song has come into my head.  And I believe it is God telling me to include it.  The song, I'm sure you're all familiar with... is a song that I've loved for as long as I can remember. And I feel like it could be the words of Jesus through Holy Week.  
I'm using this video because the original from last year has become private. I didn't see this video when I wrote this but I like that somebody has the some thought process as I do :) The Passion of the Christ.

 If you read this far, I truly appreciate it.  I woke up very much in the mood to write this down.  I love each and every one of you.  Please enjoy this holiday week, but please don't forget WHY we're here celebrating it. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

One Week

In one week, I will have to make a decision. I made the decision on March 5 to blog daily as my lent project. I gave up "not blogging every day," technically.  I've found that even though I sometimes post a little after midnight and my general "post time" is between 11pm and midnight I still find the time I put effort into doing these daily blogs.  And even on days where all I have to offer is a "journal" type entry, it's still writing, and that's what I wanted to do with my life.

I guess I bring that up to acknowledge that Holy Week starts tomorrow.  I'm going to make my "Celebration of Betrayal" post an annual thing. Last year, I posted it on Facebook in a note on Palm Sunday, and I feel like it is something I wouldn't mind having as a tradition. I'm pretty proud of it. But you'll see that tomorrow.

I think I might go to my bar and watch the final game of the regular season for the Pittsburgh Penguins.  If I watch the Red Wings game and the Bruins game, it will be the second consecutive day I watched three hockey games in one day. I did that today. Pens, Bruins, and Blue Jackets. With seven minutes left and the game in favor of Columbus, it is looking like the Jackets will meet the Pens in the first round of the playoffs. ....which means the Red Wings will meet the Bruins. I think I will save my opinions, predictions, and "pretending I know a thing or two about hockey" for a blog next week where I can compile all my thoughts for all the series match ups. I just have to remember to go back and fill out my bracket on NHL.com (come on, are you really surprised?)

As always, "it's a great day for hockey."

Friday, April 11, 2014

This is your fair warning

People that know me pretty well know that I am about to become an absolute neurotic mess.  In less than one week, the NHL playoffs will begin. I go absolutely off the deep end every year when the playoffs start.  I used to work at a home that had 3 TVs. I had 2 of them on different hockey games and had my TV on CBC for when I got out of work so I wouldn't miss any more hockey than I had to.  Since the Red Wings have been in the playoffs for the past 23 years consecutively, I also had my radio preset to the hockey game so I only had to turn my vehicle on to be tuned back in.

I now have a record setting short distance between work and home.  However, I don't have cable.  I do, however have a Penguins team that topped the division, which means I can head to the local bar and get my traditional hockey game meal.  And you may or may not be hearing about hockey every single day for the next two months. I can't tell the future, but I have seen my past.

Just don't say I didn't warn you. This doesn't mean don't stop by.  Just be prepared, if you feel the need, to "fast forward" past what will likely be a daily update on the games I caught, along with a potential transition into baseball.  But, I will continue to add specks of creative writing and other things like I have been.

If you see me in person, good luck to you, ha.  You're better off asking me what's going on in hockey to get it out of my system.  I would be better off that way too since you will likely be the only person to ask me.  I'm not talking to any specific person here, but on any given day I only see 2-3 people. That will change when I frequent "my bar" for the playoffs.  But if the Wings play the Pens in Round 1, I might a) be a nervous wreck b) go to the Trib Big Screen (provided I can FIND the daggone thing) c) listen to the games on the radio at home (that way if I wear my Datsyuk jersey it won't get me kicked out of my bar).  

Orion's Belt

Whenever I find myself outside at night, I'm always looking for Orion. I don't know why that particular constellation has stuck with me for the past ten or so years, since I took Astronomy in my freshman semester at Delta College.  But, no matter where I am I find myself looking for the three distinct stars shaping Orion's belt, the cluster forming his sword, Betelgeuse ("armpit of the great one"). Following his armpit, you find him fighting Taurus. Three more distinct stars. Following his shoulder, you run into --- I forget if it is Ursa Major or Ursa Minor. I believe the line takes you all the way to the North Star.  I suppose if I found my planesphere (as that is so much easier than the internet quite literally at my fingertips as we speak?) I could tell for sure.

Sometimes I don't realize how much I was influenced by this astronomy class. That is, until one of my residents at work walks me to my car and points to the sky asking me to find Orion for him, which we have done on several occasions I guess.  Like I said... I find myself always looking for Orion, so this must have happened hundreds of times over the past few years.... or at least a hundred times? We could follow a logical strain of events, but that would lead to math....and I hate math.

Today I talked with my buddy about why we couldn't see Orion tonight specifically.  Seeing as I didn't have my planesphere (which I went into great detail to explain to him, and he was very VERY good at humoring me or he really did follow exactly what I was saying), I opted to draw diagrams ... with my finger on the hood of my car, which neither of us could see because there was no condensation and the garage light was too bright. That led me to explaining light pollution and how if we really wanted to look at cool stars we'd have to find a really dark place so all we could see was the moon and stars.  Then I decided to use body diagrams to explain how the earth rotates on an axis as it revolves around the sun. I let him be the sun.  That was cool.  Especially when he started spinning in circles because I was.

I don't know why I decided to write about this today.  It was just a pretty cool experience I had, I guess.  There aren't many things I feel like I know enough about to go into such great detail, but it was one of those moments where you sit back after it all happens and think, "wow, I really did learn something that stuck." And I think it's cool that somebody actually SEEMS to want to learn something based on my knowledge of the subject.  I feel like I could have gone on and on for an hour about the stars today.

And to think, most people just think of Men In Black when they hear "Orion's Belt."

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Burning Down The House

Today at writer's group we had a prompt that sprang from a picture. We were prompted to write about what we see in the picture.  It was a run-down two story house protected with thorny bushes and "no trespassing" signs.  This is what came from my brain.  I am thinking about messing with it a little, making it longer and more developed maybe... or keeping it as is... I don't often get back to projects once I've let them sit for more than a few minutes without attention.

"Burning Down The House"

It was Thursday. I could tell by the clickity clack of Denise's crochet needles. What would it be this time? A scarf? It's 92 degrees outside. A blanket? It's 92 degrees outside. A vest? I have 92. But, clickity clack, clack clack clack.

It's all bull.

I spend my time in the fields. Busting my hump while she clickity clacks away. I harvest the wheat in 92 degree heat. What does she do? Clickity clack, clack clack clack.

How many miles of yarn has she spun now? Story after story about how when she was younger all she heard was clickity clack, clack clack clack. Wearing those UNGODLY vests.  Couches covered in HORRENDOUS afghans. But no, she sits there, telling her stories while I bust my hump in 92 degree heat harvesting the wheat.

How much can she talk? Yak, yak, yackity yak. Talking about the stories -- I bet they aren't true. Who would spend time in 92 degree heat when we have machines with air conditioning? Talk Talk Talk, does she even take time to drink any water? Can't she be like a normal grandma who crochets and talks to her grand-kids through cookies and milk?

All we do is sit in the air conditioning, looking at pictures of what used to be. Complaining about what might have been, but as always, there is no trespassing on the past.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

We are the CTFxC

I don't know what's going on in the Internet world.  I try to keep to myself -- at least when it comes to trying to have my own unbiased and uninfluenced opinion when things happen, I only try to find the source of the information and go from there.

So today's topic is one that I feel falls in a category of "publicly private."  As you may or may not know, one of my past times includes watching a few daily vlogs on YouTube. I primarily follow the CTFxC, which is "The Charles Trippy Friend (x) Core."  The Trippy Family (Charles, Alli, Zoey, Marley, and the newly acquired Chico) has been vlogging for over 1800 days straight and currently hold the Guinness World Record for most consecutive days of vlogging.

Today's vlog announced the "publicly private" news that the couple is separating.  Now, I understand this is a "So what" kind of thing to those of you who don't watch the vlogs.  I understand that you probably don't care, and as such, I don't expect you to follow this particular post.  But, on the off chance that members of the CTFxC come across this blog, I feel like I want to put my thoughts out there.  (and it's my blog and I can do what I want to ha)

We Are The CTFxC

Charles, Alli, you're both two of the most inspirational people in my life. To see you go through the trials of life day in and day out, especially as "the nasty C word" has been draining every last bit of energy you have, you've persevered to keep us in the loop.

You've found ways to be positive, Charles, as you've gotten sick...the trauma of seizures when you don't know they're coming or why they chose you of all people to hang on to.  You've turned to us for positive re-enforcement and I hope that you continue to get the positive vibes from this FAMILY you've created over the internet.  Yes, YOU. You say all the time about how this started off as kind of a joke, and you're surprised how big it got.

And Alli, you've been so kickass when it comes to supporting Charles.  With the band, and getting sick, everything.  And most recently your compassion has shown through with what I can best call "The Chico Story." You're a great person who gives everything you've got and puts it all into everything you put your mind to.

It sickens me that not very long ago (days...well, nights I suppose makes more sense) I had a dream that you guys weren't getting along...that things weren't going well, and you were splitting up.  That made today's vlog a little hard to swallow.  But that's how much you guys mean to me, I guess.  You're in my dreams literally and not in this big spotlight "better than the average joe" type thing either. You guys are ... real ... and it's refreshing in this world where all we need is a "normal" role model.

But we are the CTFxC, and Alli, you're a big part of it -- with or without the "T." I sincerely hope that the bond is still there for you to hang out and be friends.  I applaud you both for the maturity you have had in this announcement.  And as a person who has seen their fair share of married friends bicker and bicker and bicker (etc., etc., etc.) I'm thankful that you were able to keep that away from us.  They say "ignorance is bliss" and as much as I hate to believe it, it's especially true here with "we have no back story."

I feel impartial here.  Unbiased, and I will love you both equally and continue to subscribe, view, and thumbs up your vlogs, posts, videos, and lives as a whole. And though I doubt you'll actually read this, and I doubt many members of the CTFxC will either, I just want to put my uninfluenced two cents out there. But, please, don't say you're sorry or anything like that.  You don't owe us that.  Your internet life and your personal life are allowed to be different, and you are allowed to be you. You're allowed to do what's right for you. And we like you for you (Hey, Leonardo). Because you're REAL.

Love and Support and still looking forward to everything y'all still have to offer. And offering anything y'all need from a friend in Pittsburgh.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Baggage

[potential excerpt from something potentially in the works]

Thunder rumbles in the sky as the trees sway back and forth. The gust is not quite as heavy as I would have imagined, but when you're carrying as much on your shoulders as I am, no wind is a good wind.  The narrow path winds in the dark, the piercing white lighting filtering in the clouds is the only visual reminder that there is, in fact, ground in front of me.

Do I run? Walk? Has anybody even noticed?  Nobody seems to be looking for me, but I cover my face with my arm anyways as I make my way through the campus.  I suppose running won't get me anywhere faster if I have no destination.

Rewind:  How did I get here?  Even I don't know that.

My breath is heavy, a light cloud forms every time I exhale.  It's not very often it storms like this in the winter. I breathe out slowly, to watch the cloud rise up into the storm. No, nobody is following me. They haven't seemed to notice that I am carrying a backpack that doesn't belong to me. I don't know what's in there, but I know that it's no worse off with than with the person I took it from. I know it was wrong. But hunger makes you do crazy things sometimes. Or maybe it was a spastic vision?  I've still got time to work on my excuses, but for now I better just keep on moving.

I don't regret stealing this, anything to leave my backpack for somebody else to carry around.  I can't stand the weight on my shoulders anymore.  I would much rather carry somebody else's load than my own. School wasn't what I thought it would be. You don't learn anything for free.  Every lesson comes with a price. But every fee doesn't promise a lesson.  And there's not always a moral to the story.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Playoff Picture

I'm spending this Sunday evening watching the Columbus Blue Jackets steamroll the New York Islanders.  It's been a pretty good game -- fights, power plays, power play goals, and several Ohioan commercials.  Columbus is a young team and they are dominating a team from New York, which is enough for me.  Never hurts to root for the little guy.

If the season ended today, the Blue Jackets would be in the playoffs in the Eastern Conference. With any luck, they can hop into #7, Detroit to #6, and Philly to #8 or lower... I would rather see somebody I want to lose play against Boston in the first round.  I'm not saying I would hate to see the Penguins win, but I don't get upset if they lose.  I really haven't followed them this year. Not by design, I just normally catch Pens games at work and haven't been able to this year due to Family Feud being apparently an integral piece of the evening. I'm not bitter.  I went to see them play this pre-season, so that was worth giving up the televised regular season.  And I will soon be reunited with an overabundance of trips to the local pub to watch games and eat BLTs. Yes, I have a playoff hockey tradition. I can't wait for playoffs to start!

This just in, the Jackets have SHUT OUT the Islanders 4-0.  Now to put a regular old Penguins Fan hex on the Flyers.  (pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!)  ....and watch some House, M.D. on Netflix.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

What's So Wrong With Oliver Trask?

We're past the ten year mark.  We're probably roughly to the point where The OC has completed or will soon have completed its first season ten years ago.  I am listening to "Untitled" by Simple Plan and as my natural reaction has become thinking of The EmOC, I am now in that nostalgic mode thinking about the show that encompassed my life ten years ago and created some pretty strong relationships in my life.

I take you back to August of 2003. I was about to start my second year of college, probably still at Delta. I had just started working at Taco Bell about six months prior and was dealing with the transitional life of all my friends from high school still being there...I had accumulated "Freshmen Pets" my senior year, and well, you know how math goes.  I hate math. TV comes on and there's this commercial where this prissy little snot says "who are you?" and this kid in a nice coat smoking a cigarette says "whoever you want me to be."  I don't know how...but THAT along with "I am not going to let a criminal into our house" absolutely hooked me.  I couldn't have told you then what the show was going to be about, but I know that our family vacation to the mall in Troy was the same day it started.  I saw ads for it at the mall, and was absolutely GEEKED. Why?  I have no idea.  When we got home, I busted into the living room to get FOX on so I could watch this show that had somehow enticed me. I missed the first five or ten minutes.  When the pilot was over, I saw there would be an encore the next week.  I missed the same five or ten minutes then, but I was HOOKED.

The OC actually introduced me to the blogging world.  I remember writing responses to the episodes almost every week and being flooded with all kinds of good, bad, and ugly comments. Especially when it involved either Teresa and the baby, Kaitlin Cooper's transformation into Willa Holland, or what must have been something I was particularly proud of where I felt the need to "rally the troops" and remind them that so what if the characters had different boyfriends and girlfriends and how we were fans of the SHOW not necessarily the teenage romances. And then, of course, there was Oliver.

I can't think of a single positive thing on the internet during the ten year anniversary spectaculars.  So, let me, for the sake of nostalgia, and Natalie, and because why would I want to do something when everybody else is doing it as opposed to taken the unbeaten path to the beat of my own drummer?

Oliver Trask: My Defense Mechanism

Oliver Trask sits in the waiting room of the Psych office  In comes Marissa Cooper, who has recently OD'd in TJ, shoplifted, and can't seem to find a good time that doesn't involve a clear and alcoholic beverage.  Her father is a crook, her mom can't seem to value family over getting ahead in life.  Then there's her boyfriend who can't seem to go a very long time without punching somebody, and lives with your next door neighbor -- who happens to be head over heels for your best friend, who has her own set of problems -- and an ex boyfriend who can't seem to know when enough is enough.  Not to mention her dad's history with said neighbor's mother. Marissa is Social Chair, she is so popular she probably gets her chair wiped down before she has a seat in Math Class.  But Oliver is the bad guy here, I forget.

He does what, exactly, to merit being considered such a horrible person?  Marissa is in the psych office for being so miserable. Forced there as a deal to move in with her father, it should have been no big deal. She just wanted to do her part, right? And then she meets a friend.  A friend who happens to be a pathological liar, but he said it himself, "You met me in therapy, remember?"  Oliver Trask: The friend who takes the gang to see Rooney, takes them golfing, gets them out in the real world, as opposed to beach parties with too much drinking, pool houses full of fornication and what not, and ... back stage to meet the band?  OK, so he has a sour drug deal, and winds up in juvy for a hot minute, til Sandy Cohen comes and saves the day.

And no, I'll give you he's not the greatest influence... ditching school and all.  But his big "crime" was his obsession over Marissa to those haters out there. The haters that couldn't stand a Ryan and Marissa break up, which did happen. Constant reminders that they are from two different worlds, and I don't particularly believe that Oliver and Marissa would have been a successful couple either, don't put those words in my mouth, those words did, however get Oliver a punch in the mouth.  Got Ryan suspended.  And for what?  What did Ryan even win out of the whole "trying to prove he was right, Oliver can't be trusted" thing?  Again, WE ALL MET OLIVER AT THE SAME PLACE --- THERAPY.  But, after a few virgin Mojitos, what was there to hate about him?  He showed nothing but compassion in the beginning. He did really seem to be the only one who cared about Marissa's feelings after all.  Ryan was too stuck up on how he hates New Year's, Kirsten's sister shows up from God Knows Where, locking the boys in the pool house, and so on and so forth, and Summer Roberts, Marissa's BEST FRIEND is ... hung up on Seth Cohen?  She can't believe it.  So, no surprise, the boy from therapy gives and gets the real Marissa....somebody I don't think we even get until we go back and watch the entire series ten years later.

So, what is it then? Are we against Oliver because he was trying to break up Ryan and Marissa?  I mean Ryan broke up Marissa and Luke...and apparently tried to break up Marissa and Alex, and Marissa and Volchuk. Are we against Oliver because of the whole faking suicide attempts, pulling a gun on Marissa? Last I checked one was an attempt to get Marissa as his girlfriend, and one was the ... real?... suicide attempt when he didn't get her.  And let's not forget here.... Ryan was the only thing that "caused" and also "fixed" the problems here... then decided that he couldn't love Marissa anymore.  He dumped her like cold egg-drop-soup in time for Valentine's Day.

Need I remind you we're talking about a girl in therapy here?  She was oblivious to being seduced by Oliver, thought he was trying to kill himself when he was the only one who asked about her life...be it they met in therapy, she needed somebody to be social with besides a therapist, right?  And Ryan was so worried about finding dirt on Oliver, he never really saw Marissa as more than a trophy to keep...and then she got dumped after watching her new found friend put a gun to his own head and have a nervous breakdown.  Then Ryan hooks up with Teresa (who I was never a fan of, and I know I got lots of slack about that)
and more than likely gets her pregnant, then runs away to Chino.

So, when we see this the next fall, we're expected to believe that's Oliver's fault?  I think not.  Should have just that fizzle out into another one of her failed relationships in life and she could be sad instead of ... dead... by the end of it all.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Adjectively Speaking

Feet firmly in hot shoes, toes barely reaching the carpet floor, I sit back on the couch. Blankly staring at the TV as my eyes shift quickly between the computer screen and the Detroit Red Wings / Buffalo Sabres hockey game. There's less than a minute left, 53.3 seconds to be exact, and the Wings just iced the puck. The net is empty 200 ft from where the action is about to take place when the time out is over. Datsyuk is back.

My feet are burning n these shoes, but they are cool and wet from the rainy doorstep I had to walk through to get home, my legs too short to step over the puddle.  The wind was furious, howling as I tried to find the light switch on my right coming in the door. Patrick sat on the bottom stair waiting patiently, greeting me in the dark.

The Red Wings have won the game. A referee has retired.  Detroit is howling, like the wind outside my door, as their playoff potential has become a little more solidified. I hope that Columbus makes it too. They lost today, I hear.

I become chilly as I settle in for the night. Goosebumps run from my elbows to my shoulders, down to my fingertips as I become distracted with television but still type my blog for the night, which appears to be getting longer but does not appear to be very long at all.

Maybe I should change my socks.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

One Of Those Weeks

Have you ever had one of those days where you just don't feel like getting out of bed?  Where everything you do should be able to be done from the comfort of your pajamas, or the convenience of a dream in the middle of the afternoon?   Have you ever just been so run down from a lack of running around that you feel absolutely lost, aimless, goalless, and overall tired?

I'm finding myself in the midst of an entire week like that.  Last week was so jam packed that I couldn't tell up from down, work from home, or hockey from basketball.  This week things fell so back to normal that I constantly have been feeling like I'm missing something. But what I found happened is that instead of my body going into slow down mode, it went into shut down mode.

For the first time since November, I have not done my workout program at all this week. I find this absolutely shameful, since last week I worked an extra day and managed to do the workouts every single morning, which is a feat I had not accomplished at all during this particular program. Last week, I found time to eat something....anything.... but this week, nothing sounds good. I haven't even felt hungry, and today is Thursday going on Friday.

I feel absolutely exhausted, and I'm giving myself this week off from exercise, a week of dissonance at work, a week of re-fueling. This week was going to be week 6 of 6 for my workout program. I would've been able to take a more meaningful hiatus next week.  Oh well, you can't change the past, right? I'll make it up next week and figure out my next plan of action.  But what I think is pretty cool is that as run down as I got, and my body feels like it is shutting down hopefully to recharge, not to get insanely sick, I have still managed to blog this week daily. Better, almost, than I have in previous weeks.  I am particularly proud of my April Fool's post. And I think that where I am in m life, I'm happy that the commitment I made to blogging was the one I was able to keep.  I hope that soon I will have some creative writing things to share instead of just journaling. My intent wasn't to make this a journal, but I did also intend to avoid having a thematic blog, so I guess it fits just perfectly.

I've also noticed that Altoids appear to make me nauseous. That seems very much on the oxymoron side of things.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Payer for a Rainy Wednesday

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the spring of Spring, the spurts of sun, and the warm rain.  Thank you for the ability to wake up this morning with purpose, the job that hasn't quit on me and I haven't quit on, and for the people in my life near and far who find a way to inspire me, encourage me, support me, love me, and treat me as an equal. Thank you for the challenges in life too, and the free will to decide who and what I want to become in those situations.  Thank you for never giving up on me and helping me to see my potential through each day, circumstance, and helping me to stay humbled during the times when I excel.

Please be with those in my life experiencing hurt right now.  Friends dealing with the loss of a loved one. Comfort them in their time of need and bring the right people into their lives for their situation.  And please stand by the sick.  And the people suffering from the internal struggles of life who may just need someone to smile at them at the grocery store.  Please give the coincidental movie on TV for the people looking for direction.

This is my prayer for today....for me, and for anybody who is in need of a small prayer. ...or a big prayer.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Don't Be Fooled!

For those of you hoping to avoid getting tricked this year for April Fool's Day, I found a way to keep your eyes and ears safe from those horrible pranks. Read this!