I'm trapped --
--like a bird in a bathroom vent.
Flip the switch and I'm done.
I've built my nest
now I must sit in it,
waiting
anxiously
....for that moment when it all ends.
Air pulled from my throat,
the pieces fall apart.
I make my presence known --
...speak up when I can,
to the outsiders --
the insiders?
Am I heard?
But wait, I was here first.
Flying away is done on vestment,
not the interest of those insiders and outsiders.
I am a bird
in a bathroom vent.
Lucky for me, it doesn't suck.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Early Retirement
I don't think I normally do things like this, as least not intentionally. The people who know me best would know my social tendencies better than I do, I suspect. And really, I prefer to be out of the loop when it comes to current events until things get pretty well sorted out credibility wise. But today I'd like to try my hand at a response blog. Today I'm going to respond to the currently trending news of Rashard Mendenhall's retirement at the tender age of 26.
I'll give you a little time to read and digest his testimony before I dive right in here.
I will give him props to write his own retirement article before the media got ahold of the retirement rumors and spun it to "he has a secret injury" or "he has a wild home life he needs to tend to" or "he just isn't the Rashard Mendenhall from six years ago when he joined the Steelers" or something like that. People are more apt to believe the media than the subject of the media once stories like that are dispensed. And that's not right.
But to me, it seems sort of hypocritical to write the article he did. I know, it's a bold statement to make, especially when I am a nobody behind a computer screen in whatever town, some state. But I'm a Steelers fan, and yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh. No, this isn't any sort of gripe about Mendenhall's performance as a Steeler, or his leaving the organization. I don't know enough facts to form that kind of opinion in a biased medium.
What I'm getting at is how he starts off talking about how he just wanted to vanish, disappear, and quietly leave the game. I respected that. In fact, I truly wish that was all he said. Not that I believe him to not be a very interesting guy... his story is valid. His points are valid. He just makes so many. In a sense, Mendenhall went from the calm demeanor to completely on the defense. I feel like he shouldn't have to justify his retirement, or at least not in a particularly long article. The more you say, the more ammo you give the critical audience you've grown so sick of. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I mean, he said enough to get me to respond.
Do I think the article was poorly written? No. I think he writes very well, and I hope he has a successful writing career, and he sounds to be a very professional guy. I just would have expected somebody who makes a point to show he left money, fame, etc. at the table to pursue his own happiness would have taken a more quiet exit from the game, which let me remind you, was his intent at the beginning of the article. Your biggest fans would accept something simple like: "I'm retiring. Even though I'm 26, it's just time for me to do me." and then not address the media on it. As I said, his points are valid, but I think they would have been even more poignant if he would have led with the subtle retirement notice, waited for the media frenzy, waited for the media to frizzle, and then go public.
To me the article just says "I'm looking for some attention to say I'm sick of getting attention." But don't take my word for it. Form your own opinion and go with your gut. That's all I'm doing.
I'll give you a little time to read and digest his testimony before I dive right in here.
I will give him props to write his own retirement article before the media got ahold of the retirement rumors and spun it to "he has a secret injury" or "he has a wild home life he needs to tend to" or "he just isn't the Rashard Mendenhall from six years ago when he joined the Steelers" or something like that. People are more apt to believe the media than the subject of the media once stories like that are dispensed. And that's not right.
But to me, it seems sort of hypocritical to write the article he did. I know, it's a bold statement to make, especially when I am a nobody behind a computer screen in whatever town, some state. But I'm a Steelers fan, and yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh. No, this isn't any sort of gripe about Mendenhall's performance as a Steeler, or his leaving the organization. I don't know enough facts to form that kind of opinion in a biased medium.
What I'm getting at is how he starts off talking about how he just wanted to vanish, disappear, and quietly leave the game. I respected that. In fact, I truly wish that was all he said. Not that I believe him to not be a very interesting guy... his story is valid. His points are valid. He just makes so many. In a sense, Mendenhall went from the calm demeanor to completely on the defense. I feel like he shouldn't have to justify his retirement, or at least not in a particularly long article. The more you say, the more ammo you give the critical audience you've grown so sick of. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I mean, he said enough to get me to respond.
Do I think the article was poorly written? No. I think he writes very well, and I hope he has a successful writing career, and he sounds to be a very professional guy. I just would have expected somebody who makes a point to show he left money, fame, etc. at the table to pursue his own happiness would have taken a more quiet exit from the game, which let me remind you, was his intent at the beginning of the article. Your biggest fans would accept something simple like: "I'm retiring. Even though I'm 26, it's just time for me to do me." and then not address the media on it. As I said, his points are valid, but I think they would have been even more poignant if he would have led with the subtle retirement notice, waited for the media frenzy, waited for the media to frizzle, and then go public.
To me the article just says "I'm looking for some attention to say I'm sick of getting attention." But don't take my word for it. Form your own opinion and go with your gut. That's all I'm doing.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Is Nostalgia Contagious?
"Is nostalgia contagious?"
It's a valid question, isn't it? I mean, what is nostalgia? And if you spend your whole life looking back on what used to be, what is usually the motivation for it? Wishing you could go back or wishing you could forget? Today I had one of those moments where I thought it would be a good idea to go back and read over my Livejournal, which covers a span of 2004 to 2013 since I haven't (to my recollection?) updated this year.
I started at the beginning and wanted to see what was going on. Turns out I spent a lot of time either angry or trying too hard to fit in. I found a "Which OC Character are You?" quiz result thing that makes more sense to me now than it ever did back when I got the results 10 years ago. Last summer, I went through a stage where I had some pretty severe nostalgia, or something. This is probably why I started at the beginning of my LJ life and worked forwards, instead of starting newest to oldest. But what's weird is how it's hard to come to grips with everything. 1) "How have I changed over the past 10 years?" and 2) "How have I remained the same?" which leads to "Am I happy with the progress of my life?"
One thing I realized is that there are some things that I really miss, but not very many people I miss. I look back and see things that used to amuse me like "word of the day" and "Mikey's Funnies" which I still get e-mails today for both but I never take the time to read them, in fact I think they go to Spam if they even get e-mailed at all. I see what I can best describe as social experiments and can't even remember how I got involved in them or why it seemed like some of the things I did made sense, let alone seemed like a good idea. Ultimately, it was about acceptance.
So why do we do it? Why do we go back and relive the past? Especially the ridiculously horrible, horrifying, and unpleasant aspects? I'm happy to say I really don't think I'm socially the same person I was 10 years ago, but I am more than likely kidding myself. But I know that there are some very precious diamonds that have shown through the coal of my past. And they say "everything happens for a reason." Some of the things in my life right now could not have ever been possible if I wouldn't have been exposed to the toxins that poisoned my adolescence. I wouldn't have gotten a livejournal, I know that much. And there are at least four people who were introduced to my life through livejournal that have made an incredible shift in my growth. These people will never know what they lured me away from with their positive influences.
I suspect that nostalgia is the puzzle piece that keeps us from burning our own bridge. So that we always know where we came from. We don't have to follow the lead of Gob Bluth and use "forget me now" to burn our bridges. It's probably easier to put up detour signs than burn bridges anyways. So maybe that's it?
It's a valid question, isn't it? I mean, what is nostalgia? And if you spend your whole life looking back on what used to be, what is usually the motivation for it? Wishing you could go back or wishing you could forget? Today I had one of those moments where I thought it would be a good idea to go back and read over my Livejournal, which covers a span of 2004 to 2013 since I haven't (to my recollection?) updated this year.
I started at the beginning and wanted to see what was going on. Turns out I spent a lot of time either angry or trying too hard to fit in. I found a "Which OC Character are You?" quiz result thing that makes more sense to me now than it ever did back when I got the results 10 years ago. Last summer, I went through a stage where I had some pretty severe nostalgia, or something. This is probably why I started at the beginning of my LJ life and worked forwards, instead of starting newest to oldest. But what's weird is how it's hard to come to grips with everything. 1) "How have I changed over the past 10 years?" and 2) "How have I remained the same?" which leads to "Am I happy with the progress of my life?"
One thing I realized is that there are some things that I really miss, but not very many people I miss. I look back and see things that used to amuse me like "word of the day" and "Mikey's Funnies" which I still get e-mails today for both but I never take the time to read them, in fact I think they go to Spam if they even get e-mailed at all. I see what I can best describe as social experiments and can't even remember how I got involved in them or why it seemed like some of the things I did made sense, let alone seemed like a good idea. Ultimately, it was about acceptance.
So why do we do it? Why do we go back and relive the past? Especially the ridiculously horrible, horrifying, and unpleasant aspects? I'm happy to say I really don't think I'm socially the same person I was 10 years ago, but I am more than likely kidding myself. But I know that there are some very precious diamonds that have shown through the coal of my past. And they say "everything happens for a reason." Some of the things in my life right now could not have ever been possible if I wouldn't have been exposed to the toxins that poisoned my adolescence. I wouldn't have gotten a livejournal, I know that much. And there are at least four people who were introduced to my life through livejournal that have made an incredible shift in my growth. These people will never know what they lured me away from with their positive influences.
I suspect that nostalgia is the puzzle piece that keeps us from burning our own bridge. So that we always know where we came from. We don't have to follow the lead of Gob Bluth and use "forget me now" to burn our bridges. It's probably easier to put up detour signs than burn bridges anyways. So maybe that's it?
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Springing Forward
I've decided that this is one of my favorite times of year, regardless of the fact that occasionally I feel like absolute crap. Around here, Spring doesn't exactly come and stay. It's one of those situations where mother nature starts her job at Spring Time, Inc., and then has to go on instant FMLA Leave, to return, only to get the flu, and then come back full time. And I get what I like to call "equinox allergies" so when it keeps trying to turn into Spring, I get sick. Same goes for the Fall. (Naturally). So aside from this misery, I have recently come to the realization that this is the time of year where baseball season gets going, hockey season amps up, and there's actually starting to be some daylight when I get out of work occasionally.
But this week contained one of my favorite "holidays." The NHL Trade Deadline. I get excited at the potential for huge moves and pivotal changes that could make or break a team. I also love the fact that fans get to see the business end of the team. We can appreciate more the fun and games aspect we see on TV seeing the weeks leading up to the Trade Deadline treating players like pawns. The uneasiness of the players who are likely to be traded may not be shown on the ice, but best believe you see it on the ice the first week they play for their new team. Or their same team.
For the past few days, in the games I've been watching, there has been such an energy on the ice now that the players aren't just pieces of property with dollar signs around their necks (or "dirty laundry" in the case of M. St. Louis). And while you have this excitement, you get games like the ones Detroit played last night. Legwand had 3 points including a goal in his second outing as a Detroit Red Wing in a 7-4 blowout over the Devils. Or the game the Bolts played against the Bruins tonight without the face of Martin St. Louis, but with the recent return of Stamkos. Oh, and for the record, Columbus won a nail-biter in Nashville tonight, too. (The Nashville loudspeaker also played one of the most offensive versions of "Don't Stop Believin'" I have ever heard. But that's only because Journey doesn't deserve to be twanged for one, and the version sounded so miserable to be from SOUTH DETROIT!).
And the playoffs are right around the corner. And once they get here, the MLB season will be picking up and the smell of popcorn and hotdogs will be outside, as opposed to ...say... Consol Energy Center. But I wasn't really a fan of those hot dogs. Or at least the particular one I had. But that was a game where Detroit was in town, and the Red Wings won, and I had a blast. And then I will start ranting about Miguel Cabrera and the Detroit Tigers closing pitchers. But it will be fine, because there's nothing better than having a team to root for.
In case I haven't told you yet, there are four seasons in the course of the year: Baseball, Football, Hockey, and Snow. And they're all awesome, even when there's something to complain about.
But this week contained one of my favorite "holidays." The NHL Trade Deadline. I get excited at the potential for huge moves and pivotal changes that could make or break a team. I also love the fact that fans get to see the business end of the team. We can appreciate more the fun and games aspect we see on TV seeing the weeks leading up to the Trade Deadline treating players like pawns. The uneasiness of the players who are likely to be traded may not be shown on the ice, but best believe you see it on the ice the first week they play for their new team. Or their same team.
For the past few days, in the games I've been watching, there has been such an energy on the ice now that the players aren't just pieces of property with dollar signs around their necks (or "dirty laundry" in the case of M. St. Louis). And while you have this excitement, you get games like the ones Detroit played last night. Legwand had 3 points including a goal in his second outing as a Detroit Red Wing in a 7-4 blowout over the Devils. Or the game the Bolts played against the Bruins tonight without the face of Martin St. Louis, but with the recent return of Stamkos. Oh, and for the record, Columbus won a nail-biter in Nashville tonight, too. (The Nashville loudspeaker also played one of the most offensive versions of "Don't Stop Believin'" I have ever heard. But that's only because Journey doesn't deserve to be twanged for one, and the version sounded so miserable to be from SOUTH DETROIT!).
And the playoffs are right around the corner. And once they get here, the MLB season will be picking up and the smell of popcorn and hotdogs will be outside, as opposed to ...say... Consol Energy Center. But I wasn't really a fan of those hot dogs. Or at least the particular one I had. But that was a game where Detroit was in town, and the Red Wings won, and I had a blast. And then I will start ranting about Miguel Cabrera and the Detroit Tigers closing pitchers. But it will be fine, because there's nothing better than having a team to root for.
In case I haven't told you yet, there are four seasons in the course of the year: Baseball, Football, Hockey, and Snow. And they're all awesome, even when there's something to complain about.
Friday, March 7, 2014
A Bold Faced Lie
Today I got my exercise in.
So we're all on the same page, this is a lie and in bold. This is to serve as a motivator to overcome whatever happened this week that caused my twitching to start back up and cause a real problem with my ability to do my workout. I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I want to be able to look back and say "this really was a bad day as far as my workout is concerned." Plus, I am forcing myself to write about it as a way to work through my writer's block...so I don't end up with two horrifying failures in an otherwise fairly productive day.
I will be getting a new Pens T-Shirt next week, and the order has been sent to the warehouse to re-ship my CTFxC is For Haters hoodie after that debacle. With any luck, my autographed Max Collins CD will be coming in the mail soon too. Then I think I am squared away with mail. Aside from bills anyways.
Wow, I'm impressed with how long I got this, considering my writer's block. But I do look forward to this challenge I've set for myself. I think the way to remedy this week will be to re-do the program's entire Week 3 over. Or I need to just let it go...and cut myself some slack. Maybe that's why I'm so twitchy again... Maybe I'm expecting too much from myself. Or holding myself accountable for too much. Or maybe I'm fighting apathy so much it's draining every bit of energy I have. Or.... maybe I just get sucked into too much TV. Not even TV.... Arrested Development is my current obsession and season 4 is weird. But I find out every day how much I really DO live under a rock. And that is NOT a bold faced lie. Or a lie, period.
So we're all on the same page, this is a lie and in bold. This is to serve as a motivator to overcome whatever happened this week that caused my twitching to start back up and cause a real problem with my ability to do my workout. I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I want to be able to look back and say "this really was a bad day as far as my workout is concerned." Plus, I am forcing myself to write about it as a way to work through my writer's block...so I don't end up with two horrifying failures in an otherwise fairly productive day.
I will be getting a new Pens T-Shirt next week, and the order has been sent to the warehouse to re-ship my CTFxC is For Haters hoodie after that debacle. With any luck, my autographed Max Collins CD will be coming in the mail soon too. Then I think I am squared away with mail. Aside from bills anyways.
Wow, I'm impressed with how long I got this, considering my writer's block. But I do look forward to this challenge I've set for myself. I think the way to remedy this week will be to re-do the program's entire Week 3 over. Or I need to just let it go...and cut myself some slack. Maybe that's why I'm so twitchy again... Maybe I'm expecting too much from myself. Or holding myself accountable for too much. Or maybe I'm fighting apathy so much it's draining every bit of energy I have. Or.... maybe I just get sucked into too much TV. Not even TV.... Arrested Development is my current obsession and season 4 is weird. But I find out every day how much I really DO live under a rock. And that is NOT a bold faced lie. Or a lie, period.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
What the NHL are you Implying?
When the NHL conference and division changes were announced, I was a tiny bit worried. Being a Detroit Red Wings fan living in Pittsburgh, PA, I had settled my inner hockey rivalry by playing the conference card. [Figure: it's not too hard to root for a Detroit / Pittsburgh Stanley Cup rematch, though my absolute favorite SCF was 2011 when the Boston Bruins played the Vancouver Canucks in the playoff season where it seemed everybody was playing the full 7 games and OT, and the Pens had the ginormous upper hand on Tampa Bay and dropped 3 in a row to be catapulted from the Cup run, to boot]. But to find the Red Wings on their way to the Eastern Conference after such a power grip on the Western Conference even with the likes of Vancouver, LA, and Chicago emerging over the past 5 years [When I was growing up with hockey, your Western Conference eight was typically Vancouver, Calgary, St. Louis, Dallas, Colorado, Detroit, Phoenix, and Anaheim] made me very worried.
I consider myself a Hockey fan more than picking and sticking with a team, though I will always love the Red Wings as my first born. Now, I'm a first born, and I know how little water that argument can really hold. But really, when I lived in Michigan I used to absolutely love watching the Eastern Conference games. Montreal, Boston, and New Jersey were my favorites. I used to love the Buffalo Sabres too. And the old-school Crapitals were pretty cool (clearly my opinion has changed) when they had Adam Oates and Chris Simon. And it was easy to rationalize because in my eyes, the Red Wings were #1 and the Eastern Conference as a whole was #2.
I always tell people there is one major difference between East and West hockey. The Eastern Conference has always been the elitist group, if you will. The tape-to-tape passes, precision, accuracy, and most importantly speed. The pace of an Eastern Conference game still blows my mind. The Western Conference is all about the physical play. Get your man in front of the net and screen, screen, screen! The pace is slower because there is more hitting and board play. The West is your nitty gritty, so to speak. Your grind lines and "bash brothers" hockey [cref: "The Mighty Ducks" movies].
The Red Wings were going to the Eastern Conference and I was worried because, as I said when the change was announced, "There's nowhere for them to place!" Looking at Boston, Pittsburgh, Montreal, New Jersey, the new division breakdowns, the retirements, the overall age of the Red Wings, who went from one of the oldest average to one of the youngest average, etc. etc. etc., I said "They're going to get eaten alive!" Now, like I said, The Red Wings will always be my first child and I wasn't giving up on them as much as seeing it in the light of when your kid goes from elementary school to middle school and they've got thick glasses and a limp and you love them dearly but you hope to God the other kids don't pick on them.
Then I got bold. The other team to switch from West to East was Columbus. And I was willing to bet that they'd be in the playoffs without even blinking an eye. I need to remind you, I'm a Michigander for the most part and when I'm not, I'm a Pittsburgher, and Ohio is the POS in the middle and neither state appears to be very fond of Ohio [The armpit of the United States] so this was about as bold a statement as I could ever make. But the Blue Jackets got buried in the Western Conference. They didn't have the grit to fight, say, the Colorado Avalanche. They had the speed to keep the game moving. They had wise players, precision players, but were up against grind line checkers who pulverized them before they got to show their stuff. But in the Eastern Conference, there would be more opportunity for their precision and speed.
I saw the first half of the season standings. I didn't really watch many games due to work conflict and lack of cable, but what I do know is this: The CBJ are becoming the team I expected them to be. And I'm proud to see my Detroit Red Wings trying to grasp at 8th in the Conference. These two teams are neck and neck, trying to show the folks who've been sitting in the Eastern Conference for ...forever?... that not only do they belong in the East but they can excel at it. I will forever be happy that the Red Wings didn't tank. They've got some injuries holding them back a bit, but Hockeytown is a magical place... in DETROIT.
Part of me wanted to write about this just to have proof that I said Columbus was going to make it to the playoffs this season, but the rest of me doesn't really like to be held accountable for bold predictions. However, I am just a hockey fan who loves to make predictions. And I'm thankful to have a sport to be so passionate about.
I consider myself a Hockey fan more than picking and sticking with a team, though I will always love the Red Wings as my first born. Now, I'm a first born, and I know how little water that argument can really hold. But really, when I lived in Michigan I used to absolutely love watching the Eastern Conference games. Montreal, Boston, and New Jersey were my favorites. I used to love the Buffalo Sabres too. And the old-school Crapitals were pretty cool (clearly my opinion has changed) when they had Adam Oates and Chris Simon. And it was easy to rationalize because in my eyes, the Red Wings were #1 and the Eastern Conference as a whole was #2.
I always tell people there is one major difference between East and West hockey. The Eastern Conference has always been the elitist group, if you will. The tape-to-tape passes, precision, accuracy, and most importantly speed. The pace of an Eastern Conference game still blows my mind. The Western Conference is all about the physical play. Get your man in front of the net and screen, screen, screen! The pace is slower because there is more hitting and board play. The West is your nitty gritty, so to speak. Your grind lines and "bash brothers" hockey [cref: "The Mighty Ducks" movies].
The Red Wings were going to the Eastern Conference and I was worried because, as I said when the change was announced, "There's nowhere for them to place!" Looking at Boston, Pittsburgh, Montreal, New Jersey, the new division breakdowns, the retirements, the overall age of the Red Wings, who went from one of the oldest average to one of the youngest average, etc. etc. etc., I said "They're going to get eaten alive!" Now, like I said, The Red Wings will always be my first child and I wasn't giving up on them as much as seeing it in the light of when your kid goes from elementary school to middle school and they've got thick glasses and a limp and you love them dearly but you hope to God the other kids don't pick on them.
Then I got bold. The other team to switch from West to East was Columbus. And I was willing to bet that they'd be in the playoffs without even blinking an eye. I need to remind you, I'm a Michigander for the most part and when I'm not, I'm a Pittsburgher, and Ohio is the POS in the middle and neither state appears to be very fond of Ohio [The armpit of the United States] so this was about as bold a statement as I could ever make. But the Blue Jackets got buried in the Western Conference. They didn't have the grit to fight, say, the Colorado Avalanche. They had the speed to keep the game moving. They had wise players, precision players, but were up against grind line checkers who pulverized them before they got to show their stuff. But in the Eastern Conference, there would be more opportunity for their precision and speed.
I saw the first half of the season standings. I didn't really watch many games due to work conflict and lack of cable, but what I do know is this: The CBJ are becoming the team I expected them to be. And I'm proud to see my Detroit Red Wings trying to grasp at 8th in the Conference. These two teams are neck and neck, trying to show the folks who've been sitting in the Eastern Conference for ...forever?... that not only do they belong in the East but they can excel at it. I will forever be happy that the Red Wings didn't tank. They've got some injuries holding them back a bit, but Hockeytown is a magical place... in DETROIT.
Part of me wanted to write about this just to have proof that I said Columbus was going to make it to the playoffs this season, but the rest of me doesn't really like to be held accountable for bold predictions. However, I am just a hockey fan who loves to make predictions. And I'm thankful to have a sport to be so passionate about.
Lent Blogging
I have decided to challenge myself over the course of Lent to "give up" my lack of blogging lately. So, I am trying to motivate myself to blog daily. Consider this post backdated to yesterday (Ash Wednesday) and I will post later this evening (Thursday) to get on track. Go figure I manage to screw up day one. But, that's the hardest part about "breaking a habit," isn't it? Day one.
Now I'm off, with "Breaking The Habit" from Linkin Park stuck in my head.
Now I'm off, with "Breaking The Habit" from Linkin Park stuck in my head.
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