I've got so much on my mind this week, I don't even know what's going on. I don't know up from down, left from right, but I'm not finding myself upset with that. I don't know if that should scare me or not. I don't know how anything should make me feel anymore. I guess we can attribute that to my being a person who thrives on the Christmas Spirit and only getting spurts of Christmas Spirit.
It's hard to be happy when you know others are miserable, but at the same time it's easy to be miserable when others are incredibly happy too. Or maybe that's me. Maybe I'm so oppositional, with Devil's advocate always on hand, that I can't let myself feel what others are feeling. They say when it rains it pours. But maybe what I need is a little Christmas Snow to get me moving.
I've got a very important meeting on Monday morning. I'm not ready to get anxious for it yet (either in a good or bad way) but it's definitely altered how I've looked at the last week. Overall, it's been a good one. So few hiccups I really have no excuse to feel so blah right now.
Ultimately, I'm mad at myself at this point for squandering an entire opportunity to do things I love. Writing, for example. The past few days, all I've wanted to do was write. Write what? I don't know...but the mood has been, well, right. Rather, the setting has been right. The mood, however, has been this warped sense of "make yourself busy, do something, be productive." which of course, remember my oppositional ability, took all the fun out of everything...up to and including, writing.
I've been watching a lot of movies lately. That of course means a handsome sum of times watching Love Actually. And I caught myself entirely IN the movie...Passionate, motivated, ready to conquer anything like the Prime Minister going door-to-door, Sam at the airport, Colin Frizzle going to America, Jamie learning Portuguese, or Mark "Christmas Caroling." But no, I find myself being Sarah. In a world where things are within reach, making no effort and trying to use the one thing she can hold on to and love (her brother) as an excuse to avoid doing anything for herself. And thanks to that, I've been unable to let go of my excuse and do something emotionally productive.
I could've done anything I wanted this week. But I didn't. I did feel spurts of amusement, don't get me wrong, I didn't watch movies that I hate. I didn't hate any of the movies I watched either. (yes, check yourself, those two sentences are very different). And, now I'm writing. And it's the thing I've been trying to do...the thing I've been so ashamed to have not been doing lately that I couldn't just reach out and grab something to write with. And it's invigorating. It's like Hugh Grant says, "often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy [...] if you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around." Or it's something like that....writing makes me inspired. That's enough for me.
With any luck, this will be the beginning of my return to blogging. I have very VERY badly missed it, even when I didn't have anything to say. And with any more luck, I'll be writing something worth reading in the process (but don't hold your breath, I clearly write for me, not for an audience, hahaha).
Friday, December 12, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
VidCon 2014 Thank You Video
Youtube isn't ALL entertainment and monopolized. There is a movement for actual accomplishments and solving world problems.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Let The Re-"torts" ensue
OK, here we go. I've given myself a lengthy break from the blogging world to apparently come up with what is probably going to be a hockey fan in Pittsburgh's least favorite blog post in 2014. I preempt this with my usual "I don't read the news, I avoid as much as possible until I have my own unbiased opinion on a subject" clause. (This makes me think, already, of my post about Mendenhall retiring). But it's hockey, and I definitely have opinions on hockey.
The Pittsburgh Penguins were not just bumped out of the 2014 Stanley Cup Playoffs in Round 2, they were chased off, or so it appears by the fact it looked like they just ran away from the Series. They had a chance in Game 5 to clinch a spot in the Eastern Conference Finals and await the winner of Boston / Montreal (which was neck-and-neck the entire series, even when it shouldn't have been). They were at home, in front of a faithful crowd, waving their white flags ...I mean towels... and a huge outdoor crowd watching on the Big Screen. Then, New York got the biggest boost you can get: Your star player loses a family member, and your team is on the brink of elimination. A fire lights under you, and you take your game to MSG on, of all holidays, MOTHER'S DAY. The Pens had chance to show the fans at MSG that it doesn't matter how loud the "sixth man" is, it's about playing hockey. But that wasn't how the game went. Happy Mother's Day, Mrs. St. Louis. Your son led his team to a Game 7 at the Consol against a team who has a pretty hazy Game 7 record. And that game was not meant to be either. An early goal in the first period by Boyle and the Rangers didn't look back.
Now, one might ask, "What happened here?" (one probably DID ask...) I know you guys who have been keeping up with me know my feelings towards the Columbus Blue Jackets, my predictions for the post season, and so on. So, it shouldn't surprise you that I was actually a wee bit surprised when Pittsburgh pulled past Columbus in round one. Was I rooting against Pittsburgh? Not really, but I wasn't rooting against Columbus either. I wanted a hard-fought series where the Jackets show they belong in the Eastern Conference and mark some territory in the playoffs.
But what happened? Evegeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby didn't really show up in the goal scoring column. They got points, don't get me wrong, but I can't even tell you how many times I heard rants about these two needing to step up and score goals. The first four games were a final score 4-3, two of which went to OT. It wasn't that the Pens were having a lack of scoring, they were getting goals out of their other players, which I think is awesome, considering two players don't make a team, whether they score goals or not. Can they stop the puck? Block the puck? I don't really know. I had very little contact with televised games this playoff season. A fan who likes hockey moreso than teams will tell you that the games that go down to the wire are the most fun to watch. A fan who has favorite teams gets to know a bottle of Pepto pretty well in a series like that. The teams went back and forth.... PGH, CBJ, PGH, CBJ, PGH, PGH.
Fleury got his (un)fair share of controversial speculation. Should he have came out of the net to play the puck? Should he have waited for his defense to bail him out? Should he ____? Is he worth putting in for Game _? And then there's Sid, who thinks it's funny to have to defend his goalie all the time. I think it's funny that nobody defended him during "Sidney Crosby hasn't scored a goal in __ playoff games" rant. Yeah he's your team captain. I get that. But Captains aren't there to score goals so much as encourage the team to succeed. To energize them. To do everything short of put on spanks and make a pyramid of clapping fools. That's what I never really heard about Sid: How motivational he was for his team during the playoffs. He shouldn't be worried about how many games before he scores, nor should he hear about it. If he's making feeds to guys that are open and the team is winning, he is doing one thing...promoting a TEAM atmosphere. One thing about the Red Wings I always loved is that EVERYBODY contributes and nobody took the heat, aside from Osgood and his 1998 bout with soft goals, but even still, he went out there and said "everybody gets bad breaks, everybody gets bad bounces" and the team moved on. When you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't be pointing fingers as much as pointing to the future, get over it without letting it manifest. The Jackets played a hard series, and lost at home, but they had a team in the crowd as well, people proud of their boys for making it that far. Upset for not prevailing, yes, but not devastated and overlooking the accomplishments of this brand new team to the eastern conference. It's not supposed to be easy when you go up against the 2nd place team in the conference, first in the division, but the Jackets put up one hell of a fight. Then the Pens lost on home ice. It's both very cool to me and pretty disappointing that a team with home ice advantage could do better on the road in the playoffs.
So where do we go from here? What can we take from this? Well, one thing I look at is the importance of Sid and Malkin. I really should emphasize that the way I mean.... Yes, they're both very important pieces to the organization. They are both big money tickets where Salary goes. But how important is it to have Sid and Malkin? I have been living in Pittsburgh for 3 years or so now. One thing I noticed when I started watching Pens hockey was in the first season I saw either Crosby was out with concussion or Malkin was out. There was very little dual action. Same thing seemed to happen last year, with Sid needing facial reconstructive surgery for a puck to the face, and Malkin seemed to be out of the lineup quite frequently this season. Well, all three years the Pens made it to the playoffs, right? They didn't really get a good jump on Philly a couple years ago, they did not play MENS hockey against Boston, and they got chased away by the Rangers this year. I would propose that having so much power on one bench is sort of detrimental to the team. When either of the two figureheads were out, the team pulled together and dug in their heels. They played hard so their big players would have something to come back to. It seems to me that you can't function when you have two figureheads. Who do you look to for leadership? And where is your defense? If you don't have Fleury standing on his head stopping everything, you get 4 Goals scored on you in 2 of 6 games in round one, 3 Goals against in 3 of 6, and one game that actually made sense for a dig in your heels hockey game.
Every year the focus shifts from the players who didn't come through for the team to the GM and coaches who didn't buy the right team, or teach the right plays, or do what the captain was apparently incapable of -- motivation. For a team that seemed to make more trips to the penalty box than to center ice after a tally, who do you look to to calm your team down? If you haven't picked up on it yet, I say the number one speech would come from the captain of your team. Maybe because I grew up watching a team captained by Steve Yzerman and Nick Lidstrom, (and has been to the playoffs for 23 consecutive years). Stevie and Nick didn't have to be top scorers in the League, they had to have the drive to push a team through three plus periods though 80 some plus games, and be role models for the newbies. Yzerman started in 1983. By 1990, the Wings were a force to be reckoned with year after year.
So, I'm putting off the statement that I suspect would cause an uproar if I actually had a huge following on this here blog. I think that Pittsburgh should bring in John Tortorella. I mean, he was born with a fire under his ass when it comes to hockey. He may not be the most loved (recently fired) coach in the NHL, and he considers the Pens Organization to be "one of the most arrogant...in the league," so it's not like he'd come in and baby a team who just got their hearts ripped out in the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. He is a defensive coach, in two ways. Obviously, he's always on the defensive, but he emphasizes the importance of shots not getting TO the net. Logic: if shots don't make it to the goalie, he can't screw up and miss the puck. He has a passion for hockey that I've always enjoyed. I mean, you don't chase an opposing coach to the locker room after a BS first second throw down if you don't have a passion for your team. You say, "Screw it, we probably deserved it." No, he's got character. Whether he's loved for the passion he has for the game or detested for his means of approach to the game, he's still got what it takes to take a team who needs a Crosby AND a Malkin to even be close to making it to the playoffs.
The Pittsburgh Penguins were not just bumped out of the 2014 Stanley Cup Playoffs in Round 2, they were chased off, or so it appears by the fact it looked like they just ran away from the Series. They had a chance in Game 5 to clinch a spot in the Eastern Conference Finals and await the winner of Boston / Montreal (which was neck-and-neck the entire series, even when it shouldn't have been). They were at home, in front of a faithful crowd, waving their white flags ...I mean towels... and a huge outdoor crowd watching on the Big Screen. Then, New York got the biggest boost you can get: Your star player loses a family member, and your team is on the brink of elimination. A fire lights under you, and you take your game to MSG on, of all holidays, MOTHER'S DAY. The Pens had chance to show the fans at MSG that it doesn't matter how loud the "sixth man" is, it's about playing hockey. But that wasn't how the game went. Happy Mother's Day, Mrs. St. Louis. Your son led his team to a Game 7 at the Consol against a team who has a pretty hazy Game 7 record. And that game was not meant to be either. An early goal in the first period by Boyle and the Rangers didn't look back.
Now, one might ask, "What happened here?" (one probably DID ask...) I know you guys who have been keeping up with me know my feelings towards the Columbus Blue Jackets, my predictions for the post season, and so on. So, it shouldn't surprise you that I was actually a wee bit surprised when Pittsburgh pulled past Columbus in round one. Was I rooting against Pittsburgh? Not really, but I wasn't rooting against Columbus either. I wanted a hard-fought series where the Jackets show they belong in the Eastern Conference and mark some territory in the playoffs.
But what happened? Evegeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby didn't really show up in the goal scoring column. They got points, don't get me wrong, but I can't even tell you how many times I heard rants about these two needing to step up and score goals. The first four games were a final score 4-3, two of which went to OT. It wasn't that the Pens were having a lack of scoring, they were getting goals out of their other players, which I think is awesome, considering two players don't make a team, whether they score goals or not. Can they stop the puck? Block the puck? I don't really know. I had very little contact with televised games this playoff season. A fan who likes hockey moreso than teams will tell you that the games that go down to the wire are the most fun to watch. A fan who has favorite teams gets to know a bottle of Pepto pretty well in a series like that. The teams went back and forth.... PGH, CBJ, PGH, CBJ, PGH, PGH.
Fleury got his (un)fair share of controversial speculation. Should he have came out of the net to play the puck? Should he have waited for his defense to bail him out? Should he ____? Is he worth putting in for Game _? And then there's Sid, who thinks it's funny to have to defend his goalie all the time. I think it's funny that nobody defended him during "Sidney Crosby hasn't scored a goal in __ playoff games" rant. Yeah he's your team captain. I get that. But Captains aren't there to score goals so much as encourage the team to succeed. To energize them. To do everything short of put on spanks and make a pyramid of clapping fools. That's what I never really heard about Sid: How motivational he was for his team during the playoffs. He shouldn't be worried about how many games before he scores, nor should he hear about it. If he's making feeds to guys that are open and the team is winning, he is doing one thing...promoting a TEAM atmosphere. One thing about the Red Wings I always loved is that EVERYBODY contributes and nobody took the heat, aside from Osgood and his 1998 bout with soft goals, but even still, he went out there and said "everybody gets bad breaks, everybody gets bad bounces" and the team moved on. When you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't be pointing fingers as much as pointing to the future, get over it without letting it manifest. The Jackets played a hard series, and lost at home, but they had a team in the crowd as well, people proud of their boys for making it that far. Upset for not prevailing, yes, but not devastated and overlooking the accomplishments of this brand new team to the eastern conference. It's not supposed to be easy when you go up against the 2nd place team in the conference, first in the division, but the Jackets put up one hell of a fight. Then the Pens lost on home ice. It's both very cool to me and pretty disappointing that a team with home ice advantage could do better on the road in the playoffs.
So where do we go from here? What can we take from this? Well, one thing I look at is the importance of Sid and Malkin. I really should emphasize that the way I mean.... Yes, they're both very important pieces to the organization. They are both big money tickets where Salary goes. But how important is it to have Sid and Malkin? I have been living in Pittsburgh for 3 years or so now. One thing I noticed when I started watching Pens hockey was in the first season I saw either Crosby was out with concussion or Malkin was out. There was very little dual action. Same thing seemed to happen last year, with Sid needing facial reconstructive surgery for a puck to the face, and Malkin seemed to be out of the lineup quite frequently this season. Well, all three years the Pens made it to the playoffs, right? They didn't really get a good jump on Philly a couple years ago, they did not play MENS hockey against Boston, and they got chased away by the Rangers this year. I would propose that having so much power on one bench is sort of detrimental to the team. When either of the two figureheads were out, the team pulled together and dug in their heels. They played hard so their big players would have something to come back to. It seems to me that you can't function when you have two figureheads. Who do you look to for leadership? And where is your defense? If you don't have Fleury standing on his head stopping everything, you get 4 Goals scored on you in 2 of 6 games in round one, 3 Goals against in 3 of 6, and one game that actually made sense for a dig in your heels hockey game.
Every year the focus shifts from the players who didn't come through for the team to the GM and coaches who didn't buy the right team, or teach the right plays, or do what the captain was apparently incapable of -- motivation. For a team that seemed to make more trips to the penalty box than to center ice after a tally, who do you look to to calm your team down? If you haven't picked up on it yet, I say the number one speech would come from the captain of your team. Maybe because I grew up watching a team captained by Steve Yzerman and Nick Lidstrom, (and has been to the playoffs for 23 consecutive years). Stevie and Nick didn't have to be top scorers in the League, they had to have the drive to push a team through three plus periods though 80 some plus games, and be role models for the newbies. Yzerman started in 1983. By 1990, the Wings were a force to be reckoned with year after year.
So, I'm putting off the statement that I suspect would cause an uproar if I actually had a huge following on this here blog. I think that Pittsburgh should bring in John Tortorella. I mean, he was born with a fire under his ass when it comes to hockey. He may not be the most loved (recently fired) coach in the NHL, and he considers the Pens Organization to be "one of the most arrogant...in the league," so it's not like he'd come in and baby a team who just got their hearts ripped out in the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. He is a defensive coach, in two ways. Obviously, he's always on the defensive, but he emphasizes the importance of shots not getting TO the net. Logic: if shots don't make it to the goalie, he can't screw up and miss the puck. He has a passion for hockey that I've always enjoyed. I mean, you don't chase an opposing coach to the locker room after a BS first second throw down if you don't have a passion for your team. You say, "Screw it, we probably deserved it." No, he's got character. Whether he's loved for the passion he has for the game or detested for his means of approach to the game, he's still got what it takes to take a team who needs a Crosby AND a Malkin to even be close to making it to the playoffs.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Dusk (a poem)
Dusk,
you are my knight in shining armor--
the whisper soaring through the sapphire sky,
driving my dreams, you are my compass.
Dusk,
a reason to make it through the day--
faith to find the needle in the hay,
but never a word do you say.
Dusk,
you are the shadow without the doubt--
the cloud that brings cool without the rain,
chasing my anger, you are my phoenix.
Dusk,
a rustic house of pebbles and stone,
linen dried as the sun shown,
now it's you and I alone.
Dusk,
you are the raven to my Poe--
nevermore, my dear Lenore,
scribbling my thoughts, you are my journal.
Dusk,
the winding, slippery slope--
I careen as you hope
I'm looking through my telescope.
you are my knight in shining armor--
the whisper soaring through the sapphire sky,
driving my dreams, you are my compass.
Dusk,
a reason to make it through the day--
faith to find the needle in the hay,
but never a word do you say.
Dusk,
you are the shadow without the doubt--
the cloud that brings cool without the rain,
chasing my anger, you are my phoenix.
Dusk,
a rustic house of pebbles and stone,
linen dried as the sun shown,
now it's you and I alone.
Dusk,
you are the raven to my Poe--
nevermore, my dear Lenore,
scribbling my thoughts, you are my journal.
Dusk,
the winding, slippery slope--
I careen as you hope
I'm looking through my telescope.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
When Excuses Fail
"I just don't feel like it" can only take you so far in life. I mean, if everything you don't feel like doing doesn't get done on account of "I don't feel like it," then nothing would ever get done, no accomplishments would be made, and nothing would ever move forward. And I guess it can be argued that not everybody wants to move forward...that even progress can be subjected to "I don't feel like it," but where does even that get you? Progressively further away from the point where you felt like doing things, wanted to do anything, etc. So where does apathy come in? I mean, just because you don't feel like doing something doesn't mean you don't care about it....does it? Or maybe it does. I don't really know. Just something I've been dealing with this month, I guess. I haven't felt like doing much of anything. And it wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't feel like I had any motivation to. And I can't even believe that April has nearly gone by. Time is moving incredibly fast, I guess. And I just want to dig my heels in and say, "Wait for me!" but I don't really see that happening.
Cue, Boston. And Boston. And Boston.
Cue, Boston. And Boston. And Boston.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Day By Day
Today was the day I decided to change over my dry erase calendar. Now, I am absolutely horrible at keeping that sucker up to date. And I don't know if part of it is lazy, forgetful, or psychosomatic. See, I used to be pretty good at keeping up on it. Then August 2012 happened. I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding and I had a very poor lapse in judgement that could have cost me my life had I been any less cautious. (Never mix medication and alcohol, even if you don't think you take a high dose and you don't plan to drink a whole lot..things very rarely work out the way you plan when you're caught up in a moment like that). It's something I'll have to live down forever, especially when there are people who have vowed to never let me forget, be it an inability to forgive or it just being "funny" or I don't know what. Long story short, it was a huge thing and I have a hard time even forgiving myself for it, but I'm moving on day by day.
I finally decided to change my dry erase calendar again in late March of 2013. It was "March-April 2013" and the last week on the calendar was the week of April 15, 2013. This happens to be the day of the Boston Marathon bombing which affected a very close, very dear friend of mine. It really isn't my story to tell, but I can share how I remember the day. It was misty/rainy and I had to work, which I don't do on Mondays. I had to get a cell phone from the office in Green Tree with one of my residents. We went to Wendy's for lunch and got the Asagio Chicken Sandwiches. On the way back I was telling my resident about my friend is running in a marathon and I had signed up for text messages to get checkpoint updates. He thought that was the coolest thing (I think it is the coolest thing too) and he wanted to do one too. I had told him that he was going to be doing the Highmark Walk in a couple weeks, and that would be pretty close (1K fun walk = 26.2 miles. Don't question my math....ever).
Well, the rest of the story probably tells itself. Sitting on the couch watching FRIENDS, keeping an eye on my checkpoint update text messages, I happen to hop onto Facebook. Somebody I went to high school with had posted something along the lines of "bombing at the Boston marathon? what is the world coming to?" I flipped over to a local news channel (probably having to check the TV guide to see what channel the news was on....Who do you think I am? somebody who watches the news?) and sure enough, I saw the replays on the TV, smoke in the air, people running -- away, not in any way "Marathony" -- and crying and screaming....and I was frozen... because when you only have one way to get ahold of somebody you care for and it is by far not the best, fastest, or smartest thing to utilize, you shut down. Then, you go back to the message that said the person you are tracking has finished the race. And you find a Facebook post indicating that the person is OK, considering, and you still subject yourself to the news coverage until you're convinced that FRIENDS is a much better thing to be watching.
As chance would have it, I recently updated my dry erase calendar again. It was fairly ironic, since I hadn't really paid much attention as I did it til I noticed what had happened, that It was pretty much a year later that I updated. I had March-April 2014, which went up to the end of this week. Today, I updated it again...as a way to get myself back into the habit of knowing the actual date....being in the right year....so that when I am on the phone with somebody and I go "What is today? 2014?" and completely invalidate my entire credibility. But it takes a lot for me not to think that updating my calendar is related to traumatic events. Clearly I change the dates before shit happens, but it's a tough pill to swallow.
But it's something, that every traumatic event....and by no means am I saying these events were only traumatic to me, mostly traumatic to me, or traumatic in any similar fashion to people closer to some of these events...can only be dealt with day by day. And nobody should ever expect more from somebody. Everyone deals with everything in their own way. You can't make me forgive myself for my cousin's wedding day debacle any earlier than I am ready to accept and move past it...I have to take it day by day. And the terrifying memories of Bostonians will not go away at the drop of a hat, if ever, but day by day they will find themselves. They will find themselves as they are, not how some terrorist decided to define them. They are Boston Strong, and they are truly heroic.
If I could tell the city of Boston one thing, it would probably have something to do with my post yesterday. Never Say Never. Don't give up on being you because without you, the world would not be the same. You're still here, you're a survivor, and you are exactly who you need to be. As you take your place at the starting line next week, just know that you're amazing and your accomplishments outweigh your fears and doubts. As you line the streets to cheer on friends and family, just know that you're amazing and your support stifles so much hate in the world. As you move on, day by day, know that you're amazing, because you're Boston, and that's all you need to be.
I finally decided to change my dry erase calendar again in late March of 2013. It was "March-April 2013" and the last week on the calendar was the week of April 15, 2013. This happens to be the day of the Boston Marathon bombing which affected a very close, very dear friend of mine. It really isn't my story to tell, but I can share how I remember the day. It was misty/rainy and I had to work, which I don't do on Mondays. I had to get a cell phone from the office in Green Tree with one of my residents. We went to Wendy's for lunch and got the Asagio Chicken Sandwiches. On the way back I was telling my resident about my friend is running in a marathon and I had signed up for text messages to get checkpoint updates. He thought that was the coolest thing (I think it is the coolest thing too) and he wanted to do one too. I had told him that he was going to be doing the Highmark Walk in a couple weeks, and that would be pretty close (1K fun walk = 26.2 miles. Don't question my math....ever).
Well, the rest of the story probably tells itself. Sitting on the couch watching FRIENDS, keeping an eye on my checkpoint update text messages, I happen to hop onto Facebook. Somebody I went to high school with had posted something along the lines of "bombing at the Boston marathon? what is the world coming to?" I flipped over to a local news channel (probably having to check the TV guide to see what channel the news was on....Who do you think I am? somebody who watches the news?) and sure enough, I saw the replays on the TV, smoke in the air, people running -- away, not in any way "Marathony" -- and crying and screaming....and I was frozen... because when you only have one way to get ahold of somebody you care for and it is by far not the best, fastest, or smartest thing to utilize, you shut down. Then, you go back to the message that said the person you are tracking has finished the race. And you find a Facebook post indicating that the person is OK, considering, and you still subject yourself to the news coverage until you're convinced that FRIENDS is a much better thing to be watching.
As chance would have it, I recently updated my dry erase calendar again. It was fairly ironic, since I hadn't really paid much attention as I did it til I noticed what had happened, that It was pretty much a year later that I updated. I had March-April 2014, which went up to the end of this week. Today, I updated it again...as a way to get myself back into the habit of knowing the actual date....being in the right year....so that when I am on the phone with somebody and I go "What is today? 2014?" and completely invalidate my entire credibility. But it takes a lot for me not to think that updating my calendar is related to traumatic events. Clearly I change the dates before shit happens, but it's a tough pill to swallow.
But it's something, that every traumatic event....and by no means am I saying these events were only traumatic to me, mostly traumatic to me, or traumatic in any similar fashion to people closer to some of these events...can only be dealt with day by day. And nobody should ever expect more from somebody. Everyone deals with everything in their own way. You can't make me forgive myself for my cousin's wedding day debacle any earlier than I am ready to accept and move past it...I have to take it day by day. And the terrifying memories of Bostonians will not go away at the drop of a hat, if ever, but day by day they will find themselves. They will find themselves as they are, not how some terrorist decided to define them. They are Boston Strong, and they are truly heroic.
If I could tell the city of Boston one thing, it would probably have something to do with my post yesterday. Never Say Never. Don't give up on being you because without you, the world would not be the same. You're still here, you're a survivor, and you are exactly who you need to be. As you take your place at the starting line next week, just know that you're amazing and your accomplishments outweigh your fears and doubts. As you line the streets to cheer on friends and family, just know that you're amazing and your support stifles so much hate in the world. As you move on, day by day, know that you're amazing, because you're Boston, and that's all you need to be.
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